Life is all about GROWTH.
Whether you are 18 or 88, life will always teach you something new, by stretching you and placing you outside of your comfort zone. But the question is , are you ready for the change? Many run from it while others embrace...
"HEY KIMMY!!!!!!!! OMGGGG FINALLY YOU CALLED ME BACK, WHATS UP??? How are you doing?" i said in an enthusiastic tone. Hoping that she doesn't notice.
"Amara why are you calling my phone like I owe you money?" I probbed while rolling my eyes.
" I'm worried about you kimmy, its been weeks since the funeral and I haven't heard from you. I am your best friend, don't you think that I will be worried?" she questioned with a distressing tone.
" I know but I'm not ready okay, I'm just not ready. Let me drown in my thoughts." i murmured
" The only thing that you are doing today is drowning in some Criminals Minds with Shemar Moore's sexy self, ice-cream........... presto chocolate brownies with an Olivia Pope wine glass, full of chardonnay" she jabbered excitedly. After a while I zoned out. Even though I loved presto chocolate brownies, I wasn't in the mood for it. These couple of days I couldn't hold anything down. I guess the stress of it all is too much for my body. I had to reschedule with Amara.
" Amara look.."
"Imma be there in 20, go take a shower I could smell you through the phone"
"I will tell you what is smelling..."
BEEP! BEEP!
Did this girl just hung up on me? I will snatch her throat out when she gets here. She knows that I hate that with my whole body and soul. I hated when Derek did that, I never got a chance to tell him the entire list. Sigh, just that memory alone made me shed a tear. It became so easy to cry these days. The only thing that would make my eyes water was death and that was the closest it would get but now. Oh My goodness! If the temperature dropped, it would activate a memory and flood gates of heaven is opened.
Every pathway or corner of this house had a memory of Derek and I, from our first kiss as a married couple in the backyard, to the meals we made in the kitchen, and even the tv remote. There were so many fights created with that tv remote about which station to watch. But no matter the fight we would always pray together, resolve the issue and go to bed. We believed that life was too short, our deaths were unknown. Therefore, we should cherish every moment as if it were our last.
Every day was valentine's day. Whether it be a rose from the supermarket or a passionate kiss on a Sunday afternoon on the patio as we watched the sunset. Derek was so amazingly romantic and wonderful. I thanked God everyday that I was blessed to have him in my life. He was my world, and I didn't deserve a man so great. That's how I knew there was a God above. Only God can have mercy on me and send me one of his precious angels.
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But then he took him away with my heart. The is no rhythm only the presence of silence. My Heart used to beat for two but now it cannot beat for one. Here I am, soul less because my Husband wanted to serve this country. All I get is " Sorry mam" and a blasted flag. What the hell am I going to do with a flag? Wipe my ass? He sacrificed his life, the least they could do was not let my baby die alone. I regret the day that I allowed him to join the army, I should of seen this coming. Oh! but I did, he just wouldn't listen to me. He insisted that it was his only way of securing a stable income. Findg a job after University was harder than we expected. But I rather sleep in a cardboard box on the streets on New York while the rain floods the street, if that means that I got to spend a lifetime with him.
