Ruler [Blood Magic, Book 3]

Chapter 34: Even Keeled

"Mildred."

My name, but not my name. My body, but not one I recognized anymore. My vampire, but not the version of him I dreamed of. I supposed I should be happy he wasn't calling me sorceress.

"Leave me alone."

"You don't issue commands to your king."

"I'm surprised you didn't say 'most powerful vampire in the world.' Look, I got the bulletin, okay."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter, does it, not in light of everything that's happened? In light of what I am and who you are?" My voice was on the verge of cracking. I swallowed hard. "Look, I'm tired, my face hurts, and so far today I've wanted to eat my father, had to eat my friend, and had to watch one of the people I like best on this whole goddamn planet act like you and I are the biggest monsters on it. That's not something that's easy to deal with."

"It was the only way." He said it simply and without emotion.

"You keep saying that. And I know. I get it. I really do. It's how the bond works. You're supposed to come running to save me; it's why sorcerers bond. Thing is, that doesn't make what you did any less messed up."

Keel crossed the roof and stood beside me. He cut a striking silhouette in his black pants and black cable-knit sweater; again, I felt inexplicably drawn to him, as if he suddenly had a gravity all his own.

I took a step away, a step closer to the edge of the roof.

"Mildred." My name became a warning, and for some reason that made me angry.

I jumped up onto the narrow concrete lip that lined the roof's edge, the thing that was supposed to prevent people from falling to their deaths, and swayed my arms out at my sides to steady myself. The pavement looked hard and uninviting below; I'd make an ugly splat.

"You're more resilient now, but you're not invincible." Despite his protests, Keel hadn't moved to stop me.

"I know," I said, and walked along the concrete lip as if it were a tightrope, infusing a bit of unnecessary drama and hesitation into each step. When I reached the corner of the roof I spun on my heels and walked back.

"What are you doing then?"

I sighed. "Trying to feel like I have control over something in my life. Trying to feel like I have a choice."

"Is it working?"

I frowned and hopped down in front of him. "No."

"I would have grabbed you if you'd tried to jump."

"I know."

I turned away from him and we both stared out at the field. There was so much that should be said, needed to be said, needed to be asked, but I didn't have the words. We'd come so far and then come so much further, but I felt like I missed half the journey, and I wasn't ready for the part we were at now.

"My senses are a bit sharper," I said, filling up the awkward gap in conversation before it became a hungry, swallowing chasm.

"We suspected they might be."

"What else do you suspect?"

"A few things. Your father and I worked up a list, once you're ready I hope you'll help us investigate those hypotheses."

"You two are suddenly very tight." It came out sounding like an accusation.

"Would you rather us be something else?"

"No. It's just weird. Not too long ago he was trying to strangle you."

"Turbulent times make for some strange allies, Mildred."