You & I

Chapter 19: Roxanne

I dialed Harry's number. “Hello?” he said.

“It's me,” I said calmly. “Listen, I have to make this short. I'm going to talk fast, so keep up. I only want yes and no answers. Are you safe?”

“Yes,” Harry said.

“I need you to warn the family. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.”

“Don't go to the apartment until you hear from me or a detective with the last name of Hunter. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“I need you to tell Niall something. I need you to tell him I'm sorry and I wish things were different. Say that I warned him about me. Can you do that?”

Harry hesitated, “Yes.”

I took a deep breath, knowing that tears were close. “I'm sorry I got you into this. I just needed you to be safe. I needed all of you to be safe. I can't let anything happen to you or anyone else I care about. I love you, our parents, our sister. Tell Mercedes and everyone else I love them. You won't hear from me or see me for awhile. This might be the last time you hear from me for a long time. Don't worry about me. I'll find a way to get out. Okay?”

Harry sucked in a breath. I knew that he was trying to stay strong for me. “Love you, Sis. Be safe,” he mumbled.

I hung up the phone and wiped my tears under my eyes. I took a deep breath. I tried figuring out what Niall was doing with Will. I was so confused. There was too much going on and Niall being there didn't make sense to me.

I stayed at the coffee shop until it was closing time. After that, I went to the grocery store and bought some food for me going on the road. I was planning on taking a ferry somewhere outside of England and then stay in a country until it was safe again. I didn't know what country, but I needed to think of one. I was running out of time. I grabbed a quick bite to eat at a twenty four hour diner. I bought extra food for myself for later on that night.

When I was done, it was almost midnight. So I went to the plaque for my parents. I set down one flower for them. I didn't know what to say to them. If nothing happened, I would've went to a tattoo shop today and got a tattoo of another raven so that there would be six. The sixth raven would've represented that this was the official sixth year without my parents.

“I know what happened was my fault,” I muttered. “I'm sorry for what I did to you. If I could redo my life again, I would. We know that's not possible though. I hate how the past always comes back. There was a part of me that thought this was going to work, but no, it didn't. I'm still running. I had five good years of just smiling and having fun. Now, that this is the sixth year, it's going down. I'm losing the life I was building here. I guess it's fair. I took your lives away and now mine will constantly be taken away for the rest of my life.”

I wiped a few leaves off of my parents' plaque. I remembered all he good memories I had with them. I wished I wasn't stung by the rebellious bug at fourteen. If I wasn't, my parents would be alive. Every day, I wished I didn't kill them, but I can't change the past. If I could, I would've already done it.

I stared up at the sky. “I just want to be free again,” I sobbed. “Why can't I be set free? Give me back my freedom.” I dropped down and curled into a ball, crying. I couldn't handle this life anymore. I couldn't handle all the stress and feeling like I would die. I couldn't stand what I did in my past and I wanted to change it every day, but I can't. That's what made it difficult to live with myself.

I drove back to my storage unit. When I got my first job, I saved up and got a storage unit. I used the storage unit to hide away who I really was. Outside the storage unit, I was Roxanne Marie Styles, the adoptive daughter of Anne, Gemma, Harry Styles, and eventually adoptive daughter to Robin Milward. When I was inside the storage unit, I was still Roxanne, but I also had Michelle Raven Geronimo Peralejo. Somehow, the storage unit brought my past and present together. It was my borderline between my two lives.