I Used To Always Be The Rejection

Chapter 18

Dedicated to anyone who has ever tried to look fine, when really, they're hurting badly on the inside.

In the last chapter, @alulu73 asked a really good question.  She asked, "Can't the rogues smell Bea as a human?" And I just want to say that you're right, they should be able to smell her, but that doesn't mean they did.  The Shadowlight pack is probably the strongest back in the whole world.  Their territory is marked clearly, because of the many wolves in the pack, since their scent is very strong.  Bea easily could have blended in with the scent, since humans have a weak scent, especially since she had been around Shadowlight pack's werewolves a lot.  Also, the rogues that had sided with the hunters are so thirsty for blood that I don't think they were paying much attention to whether Bea was a werewolf or not.  They're only desire was to kill.

Anyway, really hope that made everything make more sense!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you guys for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :D

Chapter 18

Nick POV

My pen hesitated over the line, and my thoughts couldn't help but wander to to what Ashlynn's reaction would be if she found out about this, which she eventually would have to.  I shook my head. No, right now, I had to think about the pack, no matter how easy it was for my heart to be drifting towards thoughts of Ashlynn.  

No, no, no, no, no!!  It was hard, very hard, but right now, my duty was to my pack.  I was Alpha, and even though it was very difficult, I had to put the pack first.  If this was what would help the pack, then I would do it.  

My hand clenched tighter around the pen and I gritted my teeth before signing the contract, standing abruptly, the chair falling back.  My body was shaking with the the strong need to shift and let the roaming wolf inside of me free.

I sped out of my office, my tense muscles working to prevent the shift.  I needed to wait until I got outside.  I needed to control myself right now.  No matter how strong the urge inside of me was, I needed to push it down.

Running out of the pack house, I let out a sigh of relief when I got to the forest, letting my wolf take over, the familiar feeling of bones cracking somewhat comforting.  My first shift, I had to admit, had hurt like hell, but now, it was as if I welcomed the pain.  I guess you could say that I was used to it, that I had accepted it.  Now, the shift no longer hurt that much.

My large paws hit the ground with a loud thud and they guided me into a fast run that would hopefully take my mind off of things and just let it roam free for a while.  

I had no such luck.

Both my mind and heart just seemed to go right back to thoughts of Ashlynn.  I sighed and slowed down a little, pausing to rest, even though I hadn't run for long.  

Once Ashlynn heard about what would happen, I didn't know what I would do.  For her having to go back to the place that she had tried so hard to forget, was just madness, but I had to do this, for the pack.  

I wanted to scream.  For once in my life, I thought that being Alpha was the hardest thing ever.  Because even though all werewolves had to put their pack first, the Alpha was the only one who didn't have a choice.  They only had one choice anyway, so it was the only one to pick.  They could only put their pack first.  It was terrible.

Especially now.  I had no clue how Ashlynn would react to this, and the truth was, I didn't think that I would want to find out.  For the past two years, the Shadowlight pack had worked hard to try put Ashlynn back together, to make her whole again.  And even though we had worked so hard, so very hard, Ashlynn still wasn't that whole puzzle.