I Used To Always Be The Rejection

Chapter 15

Dedicated to anyone who has ever had to let a loved one go.

Chapter 15

Xavier POV

"You know," I started off, laughing a little, though what I really wanted to do was cry, "I bet you hate me.  I bet that you hate me so much.  And I understand.  In fact, if you didn't hate me, I would wonder if there was something wrong with you,"

A pained sob escaped my throat and I had to blink my eyes furiously to stop the tears, though they fell out anyway.  Traitors.  I had to be strong now.  For Ashlynn.  I just had to.  "Though, there could never be anything wrong with you," I softly said, brushing a stray lock of wavy black hair from Ashlynn's face, "You're strong, beautiful, pure, innocent, smart... This list could go on forever," I whispered, resting my hand on her smooth cool cheek.

I lightly caressed her face with my thumb, and attempted a smile, "You have your flaws," I admitted, "But then again, who doesn't have flaws?  You're obviously very careless if you got shot with a silver bullet.  Sheesh, be a bit more careful, will you?" I teased, though on the inside, my heart was breaking.

I felt my insides soften into mush as I said the next part, gently stroking Ashlynn's still cheek that seemed to gleam under the bright lights of the hospital room, "But I guess your flaws are what make you imperfect, Ashlynn, but that is the best thing.  Being imperfect means that you're human, Ashlynn, even though we can shift into wolves and have a bunch of other perks, we're still human," My voice broke, even I though I tried my hardest to keep my voice steady.

"We face hard obstacles, and sometimes, we overcome them, but sometimes," I leaned in closer to Ashlynn, as if she could hear me better that way, "Sometimes, we trip and fall down," My hand started to tremble on Ashlynn's cheek and I lifted it away and instead used both of my hands to clutch at one of Ashlynn's.  I could no longer stop the waterfall of tears that poured onto my cheeks , flowing down like rivers, "And the hardest part of it all is getting back up after we fall,"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, "Us werewolves don't have super powers that'll help us get up easier or anything like that.  We have to get up just like everyone else, just like humans, because we are human.  To other people, we may not look like it.  I mean, seriously?  We can shift into these big scary wolves and everything us just seems better.  But it only seems so."

I sighed, running a weary hand through my disheveled hair that really needed to see a brush, "I know it's hard to get up, Ashlynn.  I know it's hard to come back to a life full of pain and hurt.  I know it's hard to face reality.  I know,"

I paused for moment and stared at Ashlynn, who was still pale and unmoving, "But, I also know that if you don't get up and come back into this life full of pain and hurt, then there will be many, many people who will miss you.  And I'm sure that if you get up and come back, those many, many people will make this life full of pain and hurt brighter and better.  A place where you can be cherished, Ashlynn, a place where you can laugh, and dance and sing and shout."

I trailed my fingers down the inside of Ashynn's wrist, my fingers resting on a light pulse as I closed my eyes, listening to the beautiful steady rhythm of it, "A place where you can find happiness," I whispered.  She deserved all the happiness in the world, and i I could, I would give all that happiness to her, but the thing was...

I couldn't.

Especially right now, with everything that had happened.  In fact, I probably wouldn't even be able to give her a single shred of happiness.  The only thing I had ever given to her was pain and so much hurt that she was fighting to be whole again.