Chronicles of the Anorexic, the Heroin User and the Sex Addict

Chapter Four

                                                                    Maddi's POV

They had sex last night. I was perched, in front of the mirror, a razor blade resting softly on the edge of the counter. What do they think I am, stupid? I thought maybe me giving all of myself to him would make him stop, but I guess not. I looked up, eyes connecting with my reflection. My skin, so pale and pasty. If I could pick one word to describe myself, i'd pick...dull. That was it. Just dull.

The lights flickered a bit, a sign that the bulb needed to be changed. Dimness set in after the flicker, making the whole bathroom appear somewhat peaceful, somewhat scary. My fingers began to dance around the razor, my mind consuming the possibilities. I felt like nothing, nothing but a failure. I had binged about an hour ago, my desires finally giving in. After I had raided the entire fridge, i'd sat crying, and now here I was.

I failed at my own game.

I failed with Adam, with Emma.

I failed last year, I hadn't been able to protect my unborn child.

The lights began to flicker again, and the tears wanted to stream down my face. I closed my eyes, shutting with with such pressure and force that my head immediately began to hurt. I was a failure, yes, but I could stop that all right now. I could stop it so easily.

It seemed like my movements became that of someone elses, and I couldn't stop them. I watched, terrified as the razor began to zig zag all over my arm, carving pictures and lines in my flesh. A strange dizziness took over as I watched the blood flow, creating a beautiful canvas of red.

Suicide? I never predicted that I would be that girl. The world would soon be gone, and I would be free from it's pain.

A small smile crept over my face as I watched the scene before me fade, turning into a nice, lovely darkness. I mouthed goodbye as I slumped against the wall, prepared to leave my life for good.

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Beep. Beep.

What was that noise?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"What is that?"

I twitched, startled. Did I just speak? I forced myself to open my eyes, light hitting them right away, a searing pain I couldn't describe. I looked over, seeing a familiar form sitting in a chair, hunched over and crying.

"Adam?" I asked carefully.

He looked up, shocked. His eyes were wide as he scanned me over, as if I might not be real. Within seconds, he was by me, grasping my hand into his.

"Maddi..." In disbelief still, "You're awake." A wide smile formed over his face as he took in the reality of the situation.

"Where am I?" Stupid question. I was in a hospital, of course. I was supposed to be dead, but obviously I should just add suicide to a list of things I couldn't complete.

"Mr. Normad, I'm going to have to ask you to leave for a few moments. I need to look over Madison and speak with her about what happened." A doctor, a male of about 40, was standing beside me, a clipboard in hand.

Adam nodded, a bit sullen. I felt him grasp my hand one more time, giving it a quick squeeze. He smiled again and left the room. The doctor waited until he was gone to speak again.

"Hi, Madison, I am Dr. Haleb. Do you know why you're here?"

His voice hurt my ears, and all I could do was nod miserably back at him. I didn't want him in here. 

"Well, we were worried for a while there that you weren't going to make it. You were very close to slipping into a coma. You are one of the lucky ones."

I scoffed. Lucky? Who the hell did this guy think he is?

"It should take another day or two of rest, but then you'll be released from the hospital, and transferred to Augustine Medical Ward, a few towns over." He set down the clipboard, which I glanced at, noting the description reading 'ATTEMPTED SUICIDE' and 'EATING DISORDER' on it.

"Where?" My eyes narrowed. There was no way in hell I was going to some psych ward. I was 20, they couldn't possibly put me in there against my will.

"You'll have to stay a week, Madison. That's it. By the end of it, it will be your choice whether you want to continue or not."

"A week?" I sputtered. A week was a long time. A lot could happen in a week. I began to think about it, pondering the situation. At least I would be gone from Adam and Emma. I could think.

I nodded after a while, even though it wasn't my choice. He smiled at me like I was a good girl, and left the room after. Adam was waiting to come back in.

"Madison," Now that my vision was clear, I could see how red his eyes were, "Why did you do it? Why did you want to take your life?"

An anger took over as I watched him, "Are you fucking kidding me? Why did I do it? Let's see, my boyfriend who I love more than anything in the world is screwing my best friend, does that ring a bell? Or maybe the fact that I'm the fattest, ugliest girl I know? Or the fact that I can't do anything right? Does any of that sound familiar, Adam?" My voice had risen to a shrill scream, and I sighed, knowing I had to calm down.

"Maddi..." He didn't know what to say, of course.

"Please leave." I demanded, not wanting to hear what he had to say. It wasn't worth it.

He stared into my eyes for a few moments, silently begging me to let him stay. I wouldn't. He finally gave up, and walked out, defeated.

I looked around me. Nothing to do but sleep.

The next 24 hours passed by in a slow, drawn out daze. All I did was sleep or attempt to watch the television, which never really interested me. I was now being transported into the pyscho house, where every move I would make would be monitored.

It was going to be a strange, long week.

 Hey guys :) I'd really really appreciate it if you guys voted or commented after reading. I just want to know how you guys like it, or if you don't, etc. I'm not gonna stop writing if you don't haha, but some feedback would really be nice.