Darkness Rises & Light To Meet It

Memory

"Easy kid, stay focused." A proud smile came over Han as he looked at the co-pilot seat where his son sat.

Little Ben was tall for his age but the massive chair that was usually occupied by Chewbacca seemed to swallow the ten year old whole. Han kept a steady hand on the controls ready to redirect Ben's controls to his own if need be. The kid was a natural though. He had never seen someone learn to fly a ship of this size so quickly.

Ben continued to patch the jacket, just a few more stitches left. The needle felt heavy in his hands as his mind wandered.

"It's okay Ben. Just...settle down now... it's okay." A groggy Han Solo picked up his son and laid next to him in bed.

"I'm sorry...I just...they're worse now..." Ben rubbed the tears from his swollen eyes. "I can't make them stop."

Even though he was ten his father presence comforted him when the visions and nightmares began to worsen. The menacing voice that used to plague him every night had begun to speak constantly throughout the day and nightmares filled with the death of his parents, Han and Leia, became more real each evening.

Han pulled him son close to his side and brushed the boy's long black hair from his face, kissing the top of his head. As he did Ben let out a long shuttering sigh of relief as he melted into his father's arms.

"It will be alright Ben." He looked at where the boy had nestled into the crook of his arm even though it was too dark to see. "What happened this time?"

Ben began to tremble in his father arms and tears filled his eyes spilling down onto his cheeks. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry." He repeated over and over again getting more upset each minute.

"Shhhhh. There's nothing to be sorry for kiddo." He squeezed him tight in his arms.

"You and mom...you...you were dead!" Ben shuttered as he tried to speak voice and breath so shaky Han could barely understand him.

"Ben, I'm right here-"

"No! I killed you! I did it and I didn't want to! I had to I and I couldn't stop!" Ben sobbed into his father's arm repeating apologies through gasps for air.

Han hugged his son rubbing his back. "Hey, hey now. Easy kid." He spoke softly trying to think of something that would put the tortured kids mind at ease. He hated this. Han would give anything for his kid to be free of the pain he felt every day and night. "I am right here, your mother is just away for a few days but she will be back."  Ben went to argue but Han stopped him with a well placed finger to his lips. "No. We are still here with you. You're okay. It's going to be okay kid. We will get through this one way or another and I'll always be right here." He placed his hand on Ben's chest. "Got it?"

"Got it." The boy nodded settling back down. "I love you father."

"I know Ben, I know."

Cutting the excess thread Ben picked up his father's jacket and looked it over once more for any imperfections before sliding it back on. His shoulder was painful but manageable for the time being. The girl had good reason to shoot him as did Shriv. Why didn't Shriv shoot first? The Duros had more reason to hate him then the girl. He had known both of his parents personally. Shriv had seen Ben grow up. Learning that he had killed his father and was apart of the order that caused so much suffering would throw anyone into a fit of rage.