Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Pushing Myself Furthe

"But he finally broke up with me before we started our fifth year. He... I...I went home upset. He broke up with me because Vincent told me he loved me. I guess it was only a matter of time, but... It hurt. It hurt so badly that I wanted to hurt him, too...

"I got home to find..."  I swollowed. It was so hard to breath. But I wanted to get better. I wanted to tell him. I needed to. I wanted to be able to kiss my husband again without having a panic attack. It was just so hard to think about Him... "I found... The Da-... You-know-.... Lord...." I pushed myself to say it. I needed to. "Vold...emort.... He was there, talking to Uncle Severus. He saw I was upset and... he...he offered to.... he offered me revenge.... he... He...told me....I could be...powerful...S-s-strong...I...I-I c-c-ould..." 

I covered my face, completly breaking down. I didn't think about this day every often, because I tried not to. If it weren't for that day, my life could have been completly different. I couldn't breath at all. I was trying, but it was like breathing through a straw. 

"Try to breath, Mrs. Malfoy. come on. We can take a break. Just try to breath. You can get through this. Just try and breath."

It took fifteen minutes for my breathing to go back to normal, and for my crying to slow enought for me to talk again. But when it did, I continued, as much as I felt like I couldn't, I kept telling myself I could.

"Vincent started being really nice to me. He even sang to me. He sang to me under this tree in the front lawn. With his gutair. He sang some song about Song Birds. I didn't know it, but it made me cry.

"I eventually moved on, and so did Draco. I fell in love with Vincent, and Draco went out with Pansy Parkison. I don't know even know if she survied the Battle. I don't know what happened to her... I don't. I....

"So Draco and I formed a mutual friendship. He got the Mark, too. We were in this together. And it was like that up until the Battle. Vincent and I found him and Gregory... We fought. He went into the Room of Requirments with Vincent and..."

I stopped. Then I killed Collin Creevey. I killed him after his begging. I killed-

I tried to stop myself. No. I wasn't telling him that, and no one was going to know. I was too ashamed. I killed Collin Creevey. This wasn't about me. This was about Draco. He told me to tell him about Draco...

"....He came out... crying with Gregory... They told me.... They told me that... Vincent...."  I stopped, took a few deep breaths, wiped some tears off with my sleeve, and continued. "And we went on...And then.... after I...after Bellatrix cut me and... I... passed out... He saved me when I tried to... I tried....To jump off of the Astronomy Tower. He saved me from jumping. He... he saved my....my life...." 

We had to stop again so I could calm down. But I was getting through it. I was going to. 

"And then I was here... He... wouldn't talk to me at first... Then at Christmas, The Mud-Lover came. We both hate her, and we decided to hate her together. That's when we started to get along. I started sleeping beside him. He started bringing me comfort... And I... fell  back in love with him....

"And we got married.... He started to annoy me.... I found things that he did that I didn't notice before. I would get mad. I would hit him... I was so bad. I'm... such a terrible wife..." I covered my face again. Healer Phillips shook his head.

"That isn't true, Mrs. Malfoy. You're a wonderful wife. Come on. You're almost finished. You can do it." He encouraged. I nodded my head and continued. 

"We... we liked to have sex.... a lot.... and... I got pregnant. At first he was upset, but then... we were so happy. So, so happy. We were going to have a baby... My poor Scabior Severus..." I closed my eyes, thinking of my dead little girl. My dead little girl because my body killed her, just as I had killed Collin Creevey. A chill went up my back as I pushed myself to go on.