Sorry, I honestly suck at keeping up with writing.
So, I got tickets to see Hayley Kiyoko in June. I am hyped.
I talked to the girl I like about how I feel. I can't really say that it went particularly good or bad. She likes me, but something happened with a past bf... He dropped her after she gave her all. She cares about me so much that she knows she would be in a serious relationship with me. But, she doesn't want anything serious. I think she is scared. I wouldn't drop her, but she doesn't know that... she has to see that herself. If she doesn't then I am completely happy in just being her friend. That is what I told myself.
I am with another girl. A girl that has been by my side for three years. Pretty bad of me to like someone else I guess. Someone broke something in me, and its so hard for me to give my all. But, the other girl... she brings it out of me. She melts my walls. I guess I am kind of a terrible person.
My friends all seemed to grow more distant. All my friends from school now seem like they don't see me as a true friend anymore. I feel like I am becoming invisible. When I talk to them they usually respond like they are irritated, that is if they don't interupt me or ignore me.
Along with the friend thing is this awful feeling that no one really excepts me at my school. I constantly get misgendered by 99% of the people that know at school. One of my friends knows. A teacher outed me to her accidentally by discussing how I felt about the happenings of the book Parrotfish (a trans ftm book) from the perspective I had. She went on and on about my being trans and so I answered her with my friend sitting there. So, I know my friend knows... she doesn't act like it though. There are only two people that correctly gender me at school. Those two people are my math teacher and my english teacher. My science teacher tries but cannot seem to get the usage of they right... he simply inputs they into any pronoun which is slightly funny, or would be if it didn't make it the most obvious thing to the whole class. And, all the teachers, other than the two, call me at least a girl, lady, and select other labels that I do not perfer, and some of them even call me she.
So yeah... that is what I have failed to update you on.
I hope you are doing well!
-A
