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CHAPTER FIFTEEN—CLEAR
[ "Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." - Carl Jung ]
Even though he was the happiest he could be, he couldn't help but question what hi next move would be. He didn't want to fuck anything else up with Seokjin but he couldn't hold in his feelings for much longer. He knew this very well, but the only reason he held himself back was the stupid, recurring theme of fear. The other overused word beside happy, Jungkook just couldn't make up his mind about it all. Which was worse: letting his feelings loose with the possibility of heartbreak or ignoring it all to keep the one he loved by his side? Both had their pros and cons yet he had the worst trouble of weighing them out properly.
He knew if he were to be rejected, it would be kind and thoughtful. Seokjin always acted based off Jungkook's feelings, always putting him first. It wasn't the fear of the rejection process, just the rejection itself. He didn't want to keep hurting and losing, considering he nearly lost Seokjin before.
Jungkook was sounding like a broken record and he even was getting tired of it. Everyday he was with Seokjin pushed him closer to informing the other of how he felt, but then something came along that made him forget about it and push it off for another day. It was all annoying and stupid. Man the fuck up, he told himself. It's just Seokjin, he won't hurt you.
He knew he was being a pussy; he knew full well he was being the biggest pussy to ever fucking live. Fear of rejection? What the hell? But it was true, so true that he kept putting the shit off for the next time.
Fuck you, Jungkook thought to himself, rolling over on his bed and shoving his face into his pillow. Why can't you get off your lazy ass and just tell him? Stupid bitch.
Now he was just acting like a lunatic, yelling at himself in his mind. He rolled over again. And again. And again. This wasn't getting him anywhere and he knew that. He was procrastinating his thinking over the situation. That was probably the worst part of it all: he was holding off on thinking about whether to keep holding off or not. What kind of backwards inception was that? A pathetic one to say the least.
This wasn't getting him anywhere either, so he decided to stand up and grab a quick snack from his fridge. It was nearing the end of the day, with still a shred of sunlight to be seen before the sunset, which was the perfect time to eat whatever he could find in his kitchen and try to repress everything he thought and felt in his room. On the way there, he got a text message from the fucking Devil himself.
seokjin: i want to see you. the sun will be setting soon, so come meet me at the beach to watch together.
Was this God giving him a chance to let it all out and tell Seokjin his feelings or was it a trap that led him straight to heartbreak? He didn't give himself any other time to pass it as he sent a text message in agreement and set out to the beach.
He would tell Seokjin. If he didn't do it now, he knew he would never do it. This was his only chance and whatever happened would be his fate set in stone. He was sure of it.
