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CHAPTER ELEVEN—GOLD
[ "So dawn goes down today... Nothing gold can stay." - Robert Frost ]
seokjin: can we please talk about this? i don't want you to keep hurting without having a reason to.
Jungkook deleted the message as soon as he saw it. Hurting without a reason? It made him want to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. He most certainly had all the reason and then some to be hurting from what Seokjin did. It almost amazed him how Seokjin was acting; acting as if he could fix the damage he had done. Jungkook wanted nothing to do with him now, and he wanted to make sure he stayed away. Nothing could change his mind, or at least that's the lie he told himself to try and keep his heart taped together. It barely worked, though, and Jungkook kept finding himself close to replying to the messages sent his way.
It was every other day—he'd get a call or text from Seokjin—and those days he ignored his phone and deleted the messages. Giving Seokjin a chance was admitting defeat, and that was something Jungkook didn't want to do. He wanted to be able to say no for the first time ever. He wanted to be able to push away.
That, or he was just being stubborn. More than likely both.
It was just so painful. Seokjin didn't trust him while Jungkook threw all of his trust his way. He felt used and played, a feeling he was all too familiar with. It scared Jungkook to no end and made him angry. If there was a problem Seokjin could've just told him, but no. He had to be an asshole and lock it in a safe, key nowhere to be found.
He just didn't want to talk to Seokjin, was all.
Yet, this time when his ringtone signaled Seokjin was calling, he hesitated. Don't answer it, he told himself as he reached for the phone. Seokjin's contact picture popped up; it was a photo of the two of them and they looked happy. Jungkook wanted that time back. He wanted to happiness and the stupid lectures and Seokjin back. Where did he disappear to and why did he leave Jungkook alone? Where did they go wrong?
It was on the last ring and Jungkook panicked, hitting the answer button before realizing what he did. Shit.
"I didn't think you'd pick up," Seokjin's voice rang through Jungkook's ear, setting off a bomb in his chest as tears began to fall silently. The stimulation from his voice set off a fuse and Jungkook couldn't control his feelings. He fucking missed Seokjin. He shouldn't have answered. "Why aren't you saying anything? You've been ignoring me ever since our run-in and you finally pick up but don't say anything." It's because it hurts, Jungkook thought. It fucking hurts to hear your voice right now. I feel like I'm going to puke. "Please, Gguk. Please let me make it right."
Jungkook hung up. He couldn't listen anymore. The pain was close to unbearable. Throwing his phone across the room, his back slid down the wall as he let his voice loose, sobs sliping past his chapped lips, eyes stinging from the salty water leaking out of them. It hurt so fucking much. Why was that? The tightness in his chest created a crater in his chest, burning deep within him until it went straight through. He gasped for air and rolled over, clutching his chest tightly.
