Two And a Half Men oneshots

Snap

A/N: takes place before the show, 3 years after Alan and Judith got married, and when Jake was 1.

Pairings: Judith/Alan

Time: before show

Summary: Alan finally snaps after he comes home from work and Judith starts yelling at it

Trigger warning: murder, marital troubles

     "Ugh, what kind of a father are you?! It's his 1st birthday and you stayed late at the office!" Judith yelled at Alan as he entered the door.

     "Come on Judith! I didn't have a choice!" Alan returned. He honestly didn't want to stay late on jake's birthday. It made him angry that Judith would think such a thing.

    "Do you know how hard it is to take care of a kid all by myself?! It's not like you do anything" Judith said.

    " I don't do anything?! How about keeping a roof over our head and money in the bank?! Or tending to Jake when when he gets up in the middle of the night?! Is that nothing?!" Alan had a long day at the office. He was at his wit's end.

     "why did you even have a family Alan?! You're just like your toxic mother and that drunken brother of yours!" Judith screamed. Alan broke. They had been married for 3 years and this is what he had to put up with. He was sick of it.

    "okay Judith, I'm sorry. Why don't I make dinner tonight?" Alan deadpanned. It seemed as if all emotion had drained from his face and his voice.

     "you don't sound sorry..." Judith said as she went to get Jake.

     Alan set out the soup he made and took his seat.

     "about time." Judith said as she put Jake in his high chair.

     "after this we can open your presents." Alan said in a baby voice.

    "what? I figured you forgot to get him a gift." Judith said as she took a bite.

     "I wasn't talking to you." Alan's emotionless demeanour returned. Judith started coughing and gasping for breath. Soon she started coughing up blood. Alan smiled as she desperately tried to catch her breath.

     "you know, I know I'm supposed to feel regret, but I just don't." Alan stated as Judith finally stopped struggling. Alan smiled and picked up Jake, "that despicable bitch deserved it. Aww, you're so sweet. Maybe after we open your gifts we can, 'talk' to someone else. Who's next? My, 'toxic mother' or, 'that drunken brother of mine'?"

     Alan laughed lightly as he went over to the gifts.