Eclipse

5.

I focused on his dark chocolate eyes and the vibrant gold flecks that speckled his irises like autumn leaves scattered across a pavement. They were an anchor of sorts, and I clung to them desperately as I tried to shake those memories away. Slowly the terror and tension ebbed away, leaving me exhausted and weak.

He must have seen the clarity in my demeanour, because Kieran slowly relaxed his hold on my wrists and backed away warily, as though I was going to burst into tears again. I looked down at my hands, half expecting them to be covered in blood, only to find them pale and free of any blood. My face, on the other hand, throbbed with a dull ache from the scratches I'd inflicted with my nails.

I swallowed with a great deal of difficulty before looking up at Kieran again. His tanned face was kept carefully devoid of any expression so as to prevent another breakdown from my side of the situation. He was kneeling in front of me on the bed, and his arms were raised with the palms facing me with the promise of no harm.

"I—what did you do to me?" I whispered, my voice sounding harsh and unforgiving through my ragged throat.

"Magic," Kieran replied shortly, returning to his seat by my side. "It can strengthen the power of imagination, bringing it a step closer to reality." The words struck a chord inside me, and I suppressed a shiver.

"Did you... gain anything from my memories?" I demanded bitterly. All I'd ever done in the last two years was trying to wipe out these memories, but now he'd gone and resurfaced what I'd plunged beneath misery. It was like he'd exploded dynamite, and the dead fish were floating up, ready to be collected. "Other than, you know, finding out that I'm a murder and all of that?"

"Yes, I did, and don't worry yourself about all of that. You of all people should know that it takes more than a broken neck to kill a Lupi."

"Excuse me?"

Kiera raised his eyebrows at my shock in surprise. "What're you, nose-dead? Didn't you catch his Lupi scent?"

"No," I breathed, shaken. I'd been too immersed in a mixture of excitement and shellshocked grief at finding my mate bleeding out to realise that his killer was a Lupi. "No, I never knew."

I sat very still in a paralysed silence, looking down at my hands, which were clenched into fists, and watching the Aletheia run its course through my bloodstream.

"Listen," Kieran began hesitantly, "do you maybe want to have a shower and sleep for a while? Get some rest, step back from everything for the night?"

I nodded after a prolonged moment of silence. Kieran nodded and got to his feet. "Maybe when you wake up, we'll go shopping tomorrow."

Despite my misery, I managed to raise a dubiously eyebrow at him. "You? Shopping?"

"Do you want clothes or not?" Kieran replied flatly, but his eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. "There's some soap and towels inside, so..." Kieran trailed off as he led me to the bathroom and gently shut the door behind him.

I eyed my sullen reflection in the mirror suspiciously, almost unsure of the haggard spectre who stood before me. The grey eyes were dull, and her hair was a matted knot, hanging to her waist in a mass of tangles. The look was completed with the smattering of black and blue that speckled my face. I tilted my head to the right. The reflection imitated me. I raised a hand to my cheek. She copied me. I signed softly, convinced that she was me, and peeled of the clothes that only seemed to emphasise my lifelessness, and stepped into the shower, turning up the heat until the water almost scalded my skin.

It should've hurt. It should've burned, but it didn't. I was too detached, mechanically running my fingers through the notes and massaging shampoo and conditioner that Kieran must have accumulated from numerous hotels into my scalp. My eyes stung and smarted as the lather dripped into them, but I ignored it. I ignored everything. I was so lost that I didn't even realise it when my wolf awoke and tried to force herself out.