Remember | The Mortal Instruments AU

Chapter Twenty Six: Apart

What just happened? Did I-

No. I'm dreaming, I must be.

I pinch myself, hard. Because the only explanation for what just happened is that I was dreaming.

Two years. It had been two years since I'd last spoken to her. Last looked her in the eyes.

I'd been so angry over Simon, that he could even think of talking to Clary after we didn't know the risks and for once in the last two years, I wasn't thinking about how could I see Clary again, I was completely focusing on my anger towards Simon. And then we walked into each other. The one time when I'm not thinking about it, is the one time when I do see her.

And she saw me.

How is that possible? She isn't a Shadowhunter, she doesn't have the sight anymore. She's a mundane.

The thought hadn't even occurred to me that she could actually be a mundane who had the sight, that she could be one of the rare few in the world. Not after she'd had everything stripped away.

Seems like she was always meant for this world. Even as a mundane.

But she's not meant for this world anymore, is she? She's a mundane, with mundane friends and a mundane life.

How boring.

But she saw me. She has the sight. She could be a Shadowhunter again.

I realise I've been walking really fast for a long time, so I decide to walk at a normal speed until I see java Jones, and decide to sit down on one of the outside chairs. I try to steady my breathing. It doesn't work. The moment with Clary finally washes over me- the importance of what just happened finally kicks in.

She saw me.

We touched.

That look in her eyes- she knew me.

Even though she doesn't know me, she does. A stupid paradox.

She had been warm, kind and... loving. She smiled with that loving and embracing smile that caught my heart and held me together without even knowing it. I wanted to break down crying the moment I saw her, I wanted to break down right in front of her, I wanted to fall on the floor on my knees and kneel in front of her, because surely, surely, this wasn't real. The angels had just blessed me with a dream that felt real. This wasn't real.

But it was. It didn't stop, she didn't stop, she kept smiling at me, so lovingly that you wouldn't think for a second that she didn't love me. You don't smile that way at people you don't love. Which must mean-

She remembers me.

Maybe not fully, maybe she doesn't know who I am. But somewhere inside, she knew me. She looked at me and saw me, the love of her life. She saw me.

Our conversation probably barely lasted five minutes and yet I feel like I was with her for hours. We hadn't even done anything, all we did was talk about her art and hold hands.

We touched.

Her skin felt amazing. It was like ecstasy pouring through me. For the first time in years, when she touched me, I felt free. I felt like yes, this is where I'm meant to be. By her side. Holding her hand. Looking into her eyes. Her hand had sent electric heat flying through me at a hundred thousand miles an hour. My heart had beat at the same time. I'd felt my heart beat. I've felt dead inside for so long, I forgot what it was like to have my heart beat and for me to really feel it.

All those times going to pandemonium, all those demons I killed in my moments of insanity when the world didn't exist and it was just me and my seraph blade- my attempt to feel something. I never had.

But today- today I finally felt what I'd been wanting to feel for two years. I felt alive again. The second time she'd bought me back to life.

I looked into her eyes and I know she felt the same way I was feeling in that exact moment. It had meant something to her as well. Her eyes had lit up the moment we touched and her mouth opened slightly, a tiny gasp forming. The way it did when we kissed.

Angel I miss her.

If only she remembered me.

But I know she misses me too.

No one looks like that at someone they don't miss- and love.

My stomach turned to jelly as I sat there, thinking about her. Thinking about the sound of her voice, the feeling of her skin and the way she looked.

She hadn't changed. And yet, she had. She just older. Which made sense, it had been two years since I last saw her. The girl I knew had turned into a woman.

And I missed it.

I missed my beautiful girl turning into a gorgeous woman. I missed her face filling out as well as her body. I missed her voice slightly changing. I missed her hair growing longer and the shade getting darker.

I missed it all.

Stop.

The gorgeous woman that had stood in front of me was still my beautiful girl. Just two years older. Yes, I hadn't seen her change but I'd seen her now. I could see the change now.

The change that would haunt me as another reminder that I didn't know her anymore.

But she still remembers me. She still loves me.

And that's what's most important. She hasn't moved on- even with no memory of me. That's how strong our love is. That despite it all, despite our bad luck... she still loved me through it all.

Her laugh. It was so beautiful. I'd missed it so much. She had laughed and it was like a weight had been taken off my mind. All this time, I had been scared she wasn't happy- even though I'd seen evidence that she was. Jocelyn had told me she was happy. And yet there had still been that little voice in the back of my head whispering, but what if?

What if she isn't happy?

What if she's desperately lonely?

But she isn't. She's happy and she's surrounded by friends.

She's happy.

But I know she'd be happier with me in her life. Yes she's happy... but so am I. Maybe I haven't been happy for a long time and it took even longer for me to realise I could be happy without her but I still became happy eventually.

She's happy.

I'm happy.

Apart.

But we would be so much more together.

Together we would be radiant, beaming and ecstatic. We would be every single positively happy word you could think of. Because we were once upon a time.

And we will be again.

I know it.

Because it's us.

Me and Clary.

Clary and me.

Together.

"What can I get for you today?" The waitress at java Jones has finally come over to me, with a notebook and pen, ready for my order.

And I tell her. Smiling. Because Clary Fray remembered me.

And she still loves me.

She loves me.