Remember | The Mortal Instruments AU

Chapter Ten: Back To The Beginning

Hey everyone! So it's been a long time since I updated but I had exams so please forgive me. But also I'm doing a twist in the story. It will get back to normal in about eight chapters. It will feel as though you're reading the same thing but I hope you like it.
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"I am willing. I've lived two lives. I've had experiences in the mundane world and the shadow world that will quench your thirst. Have me. Leave simon alone."

As soon as these words leave Clary's mouth, I wish she'd take them back, not only did I wish it, I needed her to. But she didn't. She didn't take her words back.

I distantly hear Simon shout: "Clary no!" And I am praying to the Angel that he can convince her to take back her words. I can't lose her. I can't. She is my world, my happiness. I never knew true happiness until I met her, until I loved her. Then I remember that Asmodeus wouldn't possibly agree to this, not when he could have an immortal life.

But as soon as I think this, Asmodeus says with no emotion: "And you would give up your memories, your friends, your love, to make sure Simon kept his memories?"
My face turns to disbelief.
"Yes."

Why? Why me? I loved this girl and now she's leaving. I can't help the anger that rises in me. I always lose everyone. I wish I could say something, shout something, scream something but I'm in too much shock.

"Well isn't that sweet...I suppose we have a deal young Morgenstern-"
I can't believe this. Why would he want her when he could have Simon?
"No. You can have my memories but only if you turn Simon back into a mundane."
"Deal. But don't ask for anything else." By this time no one was saying anything; they were all too shocked like me. How could this be happening? Only Clary would ask something off a prince of hell.

"Would you like to say any goodbyes before you go?" As soon as he says this, it's like I'm under water, drowning, with no one saving me. I'm surrounded by people and they're all letting me drown. Letting me die. I know Clary is saying her goodbyes and she hasn't looked at me yet. My eyes are blurred, and I'm not sure whether it's from tears or whether it's from the water that is drowning me. My ears are blocked by the water, blurring every sound out. Everything is blurred and there is no escape from it. My senses that are normally my greatest weapon are dulled to the point that I'm barely aware they exist. These people who I call family are letting me drown, right in front of them. They aren't helping me, they aren't doing anything to stop the water from choking me to death. The water is like a cloak that only I can see, it's wrapping me in and choking me. I can't even move my fingers. I can't feel anything. I suddenly become aware of my surroundings and I can't remember when I moved away from them all, I can't remember when I separated myself away from them but I become very aware that I'm on my own in a dark corner. Dying. Drowning. Desperate for air, for relief, for anything. I'm not even sure my heart is still beating. Clary owns half my heart, soul and body and now she's taking it with her. How is a heart supposed to beat when only half of it remains?

I want to build a world in this water and stay there. I want to build a world where everything is normal. Where me and Clary are in love and are living together with our own little family and the rest our family is surrounding us. I want to build a new world where we can be happy and in love instead of having this pain that is overtaking my heart, soul and body.

The water is filling up my body faster than should be possible but none the less it is. There is no escape. I'm dying. I'm probably already dead. I've been here for hours, dying. If this is how I am to spend the rest of eternity, in this position, drowning then I don't know how to cope. The pain is never ending.

I've been here for years. I must be dead. It wouldn't take Clary years to say goodbye to a group of people, even if she did love them to pieces.

I've been here for hundreds of years, there is no doubt I am dead. I am to spend the rest of eternity in never ending pain. I wish I'd been a better person before I met Clary because this is obviously payback from something I did. Or maybe it's what I deserve after I loved Clary even when I believed we were siblings. Maybe the Angels believed it was something they couldn't forgive and so the only way they could torture me would be to leave me here, never knowing how Clary would say goodbye, never escaping the pain, never feeling the pain of death and the relief of it. I'd beg to feel the relief of this. I am begging. Someone please end this. Someone save me. Someone help me out of this water.