i don't think i've ever felt this weak and empty in my entire life.
i'm running out of motivation for everything. eating, school, and more.
i can't find more more reasons to stay alive if i'm honest. i know there's a lot for me to experience but i'm starting not to care. after school there's college and that's even more stressful. and then what's after that? i'm starting think that's there's really nothing for me later in life because that's how i feel.
i'm scared of death. not how it happens but what happens after i die. where do i go? is it just blackness? is there a heaven? but i can tell you right now i won't be accepted if there is. and i think that that is one reason i tell myself to live.
i feel alone as well. not lonely as in relationship wise, just.. like no one is there. i don't know if it's just me, but i feel like my friends have been pushing me away lately and that hurts. but that's just life, isn't it?
i want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be okay. but it's whatever, i deal with my feelings on my own. i hope that i do find more reasons to live besides being afraid, because i'm sure as hell running out of them.
this is my first time trying to really express how i feel and idk if it worked or not. maybe. i'm sorry if you think i'm being attention seeking, that was not my intention. i just needed to somehow put this into words.
