Shredding the Bond

Chapter 1

I see a marvelous, dark, stormy sea of blue before my eyes. I awaken calmly, then I lose my breath and start to panic, gripping the sheets in fear. The dark corners of my musty room feel as if they are swiftly close in on me as I scrunch my face in pain. Tears prick my eyes as a agonizing scream rips from my mouth.

My breath had been ripped from my lungs to the point of me gasping furiously, and groaning in pain with a burning sensation in my chest. I wrinkle the sweat soaked collar of my night shirt in my grip because I can barely stand the ache in my chest. I can't bring myself to sit up so I lie there gulping large quantities of air.

I finally sit up in my bed, soaked in sweat, my hair sticking to the back of my neck, screaming from the agonizing pain with an endless stream of tears caressing my cheeks, I pull on my hair in frustration. "Mommy." I cry out in desperation, not knowing who else to call.

My everything hurts, I want to die, I'd rather be anywhere but here feeling this torture. "Please, help." What I meant to yell comes out in a hoarse whisper from all of my screaming.

I'm now holding my chest underneath my shirt, which feels as the devil were taking needles and tattooing his name on my heart. I manage to kick my comforter off the bed. The moonlight shining through my window illuminates the sweat on my legs. I take a shaky hand and use my palm to wipe away the stubborn tears sticking to my cheeks.

I faintly hear footsteps slowly thumping, echoing off of the hallow floors of the trailer. My door creaks open like a jail cell does in the old western movies my dad used to beg me to watch with him. If only he were here to help me escape from this unexplainable pain. My mother's silhouette slouches in the doorway.

The light is flicked on with a resound click and I close my eyes tightly as the blinding light assaults my eyes. I snap my eyes open releasing a flood of tears, and I watch through squinted eyes as her heavy, red rimmed eyes lazily take in the disheveled state that I am currently in. She scowls at me telling me to hop in the truck and walks out of the room the blaring volume of the television drowning out her footsteps after time.

I slowly hobble my 11 year old body to the car speechlessly and curl up in the back seat with a pounding head and sore chest. She doesn't grant a single promise of reassurance as she drives towards the hospital. Silent tears roll down my cheeks as I wonder if it is ever going to stop. I eventually pass out from the pain but wake up when I'm being strapped to the stretcher that will soon bring me to my hospital room.

~•~

The sterile room aggravates my sinuses as I squint at the middle aged doctor standing at the end of my bed. Dr.Willams looks at me with pity in his eyes and shows me a pain chart, but I was in too much pain to speak. In the end, he points to each place on the chart and tells me to nod yes or no. He started with one and I shook my head and he moved on till he reached the number ten.

As we move down the chart his eyes gradually get bigger and his eyebrows higher. It would have been comical if I weren't in so much pain. The paper beneath me protests as I lay back down after my last test. I went through numerous procedures, yet they still find nothing wrong with me.

After my last procedure, Dr. Willams took my mother out in the hallway to tell her the news on where my pain originated from. My mother marches into the room with a furious expression in her hazel eyes, her red lips pulled into a tight white line. My heart began to flutter furiously in fear of another one of her 'lectures' as she turns her head to glare at the wall shaking her head.

By the time we had pulled up to our little two bedroom trailer deep in the woods my pain had subsided. I sit in the car staring out the window numbly. A harsh stinging sensation on my face wakes me from my daze, from the pain that had almost dissolved into the crevices of my mind.

As I grab my cheek cringing, with tears in my eyes as I turn to look at my mother who had just slapped me across the face. She grabs me by my hair and pulls me so close to her, I could count every freckle on her face. I smell the faint scent of whiskey on her breath and silently wish she would have been pulled over for driving under the influence. Maybe then I would be free from the imprisonment that comes with belonging to her.

"I will not raise an attention addict! You hear me!" She hisses resulting in me flinching back, which causes a few stands of my chestnut hair to be pulled from my head.

"I'm sending you to therapy Monday to see if they can make you normal." I whimper in pain and attempt to pry her hands away from my roots, that only results in my body being slammed into the passenger door.

"Go to your room and think about how I feel being trapped in a mentally insane family!" She screams on my ear creating a distant ring, before slamming the car door and stomping to the house muttering something about daddy issues.

"I hate you." I whisper quietly at her retreating figure and begin to think of my dad as silent tears caress my cheeks once again for the second time that night. The crickets sing to me and the stray dogs howl as if they can feel the newfound pain buried deep in my soul. I will never be able to explain the pain I felt that night but one day I will discover where it came from. Once the secret is uncovered I will beg to be the skinny abused nobody that lives in a trailer once again.

•~•

Inside my room I release the dam of tears that had been cracking all the way home. I had no idea as to why I was crying, but I knew there must be a reason. I burrow my face into my pillow that has slightly turned brown like a faint coffee ring around the counter from Daddy's cup. I sit up wipe my face and nose on my comforter as I hiccup air.

I regulate my breathing and try to clear my mind but I just can't. On the way home my mother told me that the doctor says that he diagnosed me for Schizophrenia. I just can not see myself as insane. It's always been a possibility because my dad-

"Why are you crying?" A small voice asked softly, frightening me in the process of trying to console me. I jump to the other side of the bed my heart jumping wildly in it's cage begging to be let out while my breath picked up in fast, ragged, uneven gasps.

I see a boy, who looks about 10 or 11 sitting on the edge of my bed, with a curious look in his big blue eyes while smiling slightly. I blink multiple times while shaking my head trying to clear the fog from my vision. Of course this happens right after I try to tell myself I'm not insane. The mysterious boy rubs the back of his neck and stares into my eyes startled.

We have a moment of stunned silence until I realize that he is just a harmless boy. "W-what's your name?" I asked the strange boy quietly, while examining him. He had black hair shaved close to his head and a large cut along his jawline, I wince in pity.

"Liam." He says shyly, while adjusting his legs in an Indian-style position. I tense up at the volume of his voice, and look around quickly to be sure my mother didn't hear him before putting my finger to my lips.

"How'd you get here?" My heart pounds hard while I ask the question quietly. He stands up suddenly looking confused and slowly walks away as if in a daze. "Liam? Liam?" I hiss quietly as he rounds the corner.

I hop off of my bed to find the strange boy before my mom caught him. I wasn't successful in my search, but at least my mom didn't find him. The Liam was safer on his own than he could ever be in this house.

That night as I lay down in my bed my dreams were empty, as they always were till one day...