Braces and Glasses (Book 2)

Chapter 10

I still had my cardigan and shoes on so instead of going back in the house, I walked to the beach.

"I'll be back. I'm going to the beach. I need to be alone." I texted Tyler.

There's this spot on the beach with lots of gouge boulders that I like to sit on top of. I've brought Troy and Prod there before once. It's really peaceful there.

As I came closer to the shore, the cooler and louder it became. The waves were really loud but it was calming. I climbed up the rock and sat on top. I adjusted my position to feel a little more comfortable. I sat with my legs dangling off the rock and my arms hanging on my sides. I sat like that for at least an hour, thinking about everything.

I feel so horrible.

Why do I do these things to people?

I always hurt people. I always say things I don't mean. I always end up saying something I strongly regret.

I began to think of Jacob. I miss him so much. I want him. I wish he was here with me.

Honestly, I don't know what I want. I'm horribly confused.

I wish my life wasn't so jacked up.

I looked out to the ocean and listened to the waves. I closed my eyes and creathed slowly to refrain from crying. I'm tired of crying.

I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

Unknown Number

I swiped the screen to the right and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hello? Is this Taylor?" I voice said from the other line.

"May I ask who's speaking?"

"It's Jacob."

My heart nearly dropped. "Uhm.. Hey.. It's Taylor." I sniffled a bit.

"What's wrong?"

"Can you come so we can talk? I need someone to talk to."

"Yea I'll be there in a few."

"I'm at the beach," I managed to say before he could hang up. "I'm where we used to sit."

"Okay." Then he hung up.

I hopped off the rock and sat in the sand behind the rock. I sat with my legs criss-crossed applesauce and leaned back on the rock. I sat behind the rock because the sun was on the other side and I ain't got time for that. I'm dark enough already.

I sat there for about ten minutes, waiting for Jacob.

"Hey," he said as he sat down next to me.

"Hey." I smiled at him then looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong, Tayl-"

"Jacob," I interrupted him. He looked at me. "I forgive you. Stop saying you're sorry."

I started playing with my fingers as I felt Jacob's eyes on me.

"I miss you," he finally blurted out.

Tears began to form in my eyes and my glasses began to fog up. I snatched them off my face as the tears began to stream down my face. "I miss you too, Jake. I'm sorry for saying what I said to you that night. I'm really sorry. I feel horrible and every time I think about you I think you don't want to ever see me again because what I said was so mean."

"You said the right thing, Tay. I deserved it. The way I treated you was unacceptable and I deserve to be hated.

"I don't hate you, Jacob. I never hated you. That's why I'm mad; because you think I hate you but I really don't. I don't hate you at all." I wiped my tears.

It was silent. I continued playing with my fingers and the sand.

"I talked to my mom today," I tried to spark a conversation.

"Your real mom?" he asked, surprised.

I nodded in response.

"Well, what happened?"

I sighed. I picked my head up and looked at him.

"She left. I asked her if she really wanted me back in her life. If she didn't want me I told her to just leave. I didn't want to a bother." I was talking very calmly. I sounded as if I was okay with the fact that my mom doesn't want me.

"I'm sorry.."

I shook my head and laughed. "It's not like I need her anyway.. I've made it this far." I picked up a couple small rocks and began to throw them one by one. "She tried to say that she's here for me. I just laughed.. I began to ask her where she was for me when I need a mother." I gathered a bunch of small rocks in between my legs and began to throw them. "I've lived most of my life so far without her."

I looked up from the pile of rocks and stared up to at the sky.

"I got my first car without her.. Made it out of elementary school. Middle school.. I'm about to make it out of high school without her too." I shook my head again, trying to laugh but more tears came out.

My vision became blurry and I just leaned on Jacob, burying my head in his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and held me as I cried my eyes out.

"Why doesn't she want me?" I cried, still being cradled in Jacobs arms. "Am I not good enough?"

"No, Taylor. You're perfect. She doesn't know what she's missing out on." Jacob tried to make me happier but he failed. "It's gonna get better, Taylor."

I sat up and leaned back in the rock. "I've been told that many times.. Nothing has changed."