Lots of Love (Luke Hemmings)

6

6

"you could stay within these walls and bleed or just stay with me."

~Ed Sheeran

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Luke:

I was currently not grinning like a madman and I was surely not doing a little happy dance because Emily told me she liked me and that she was my friend. NOOOOOOO, I'd never do that...

Just as I was about to reply to my new friend (that sounded soo cool!), my mum came into my room and looked at me like I was crazy.

"Everything alright, Lukey?"

"Yeah, I'm great. I'm reaally happy!"

"That's wonderful! What made you this happy honey? Good day at school?"

My smile fell slightly. School was shit again, like everyday. Mark shoved me again into a locker and what was even worse: I had to read out a text in front of the whole class! It already started to get bad when I was walking to the front. Somebody stuck his foot out, I tripped over it and fell face forward on the floor. Of course everybody was laughing, even the teacher. I always hated that guy... So I stood in front of all these people and tried to read out the text. They threw paper balls at me and whispered things, I bet I was red as a tomato and my eyes watered. Why was I such a fuck up? What had I done to them that they treated me like that? Because my vision was blurred I started to stutter and as I walked back to my seat I heard them talking, saying things like: "Can't even read that loser" and "Such a wimp, crying like a baby". They were right...

"Luke?"

My mum's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Are you gonna tell me now what made you that happy?"

My smile was back! She was there, no matter how bad school would be, she would still be my friend. She accepted me the way I was, she even liked me (at least that was what she said), she was my friend.

"I just made a new friend, nothing big."

"Nothing big?! Lukey, that's just great! Tell me all about him."

"It's actually a girl, mum... Her name is Emily. She's my project partner for that E-Mail thing I told you about. She's from the UK and she's really nice."

"Awww. My Lukey made a friend and even a girl friend. I'm so proud of you."

"Muuuuum, pleaase."

She just laughed and hugged me shortly, then she went out of my room (finally!).

So now I could go back to what I actually wanted to do: write Emily back!

"Dear Emily,

You sound quite scary when you're angry (I think it's all those curse words). I hope I'll never see you that angry at me...

Anyway: Thank you! Really, thank you so much for saying all those nice things. It helped me and it's nice to have a friend (and you are much Emily, actually you're everything...). I never really had a friend so I apologize already now if I'm doing it wrong.

I'll try to listen to your words now instead of theirs. It's hard but I can do it, I think...

I'll also try to start believing in myself but that may be even more difficult. It's not that easy to switch off these thoughts that are saying you're worthless and all when you've heard them for your whole life. But I'll try! For you! I'll try to get better, so I can be a good and normal friend to you...

I really hope it will work out.

And you shouldn't admire me. I'm not strong, I'm really not. I'm just my awkward, strange self.

But thank you again! Thanks for listening and most importantly, thanks for being there!

You don't have to do that thing with the names and find out who are their partners, it's okay. You already do enough, trust me!

Yeah I'm glad that I have my music too. It's nice to be away from it all for some minutes. But y'know the thing is that you always have to come back. Every piece of music, every song, is finished once and then you're back again. Back in this cold and lonely world...

But these minutes away, they are paradise! I couldn't ask for more honestly...

You really want to listen to me playing the guitar and singing?? Are you sure? I'm really not that good!

Em (can I call you that?), that didn't really make sense to me. I'm really sorry about your parents divorce (I know you don't want to hear "sorry" and I wished I could tell you something else but I don't know how it is, so I don't know how it feels). But why did you write all that stuff about your parents in the past tense?? Are you not talking to them anymore??

Please Em (again, tell me if it's not okay, but I'm a lazy ass :)) tell me what happened! You left me here absolutely confused with probably just a little piece of the whole story.

You aren't protecting me like that and I don't really need that protection when it comes to your story, do I? I won't see you differently, I promise. You're still gonna be that funny, friendly girl that is my friend. I'll just understand you then! I want to understand you, I want to be there for you, just like you are for me, I wanna help you, I wanna be your friend. So please, please let me be a friend to you! I don't care how long your story is (I don't have a life anyway), I won't judge you, I won't pitty you (I know you'd hate that from what you've said about those people), I swear to you I won't.

Just let me in, trust me and tell me why you're hurt. Please. It would mean the world to me!

9 hours?! Holy cow, I didn't thought it would be so many... You're nine hours away from me. On the other side of the world. But I still haven't felt as close to anyone else as to you...

The future looks the same as the now I think... It's what you'll make of it. It's all up to you how your future looks like. It depends on your decisions. So decide on the right things (that sounded like in a horror movie now *wuaaah* are you scared now?).

How's the past?

Hopefully I'll hear from you soon (your E-Mails make my days).

Lots of Love

Luke"

"Dinner's ready!!", my mum called from the kitchen. I quickly sent the mail to her and ran downstairs to get to the table.

As we were eating mum proudly told all of my family members that I had made a friend. I felt odd and somehow sad that this was something she was proud of and that she bragged about it. It should be normal for someone to have friends. Well, I guess I wasn't normal then...

As soon as I was finished with my spaghetti I escaped from the awkwardness to my room and searched my journal. I found it under some used boxers (don't even ask...) and started to write:

E-Mail 3

Emily Riggs is the sweetest, funniest, coolest and just the most perfect person on this planet! She is my friend. My first friend! (I sound like a proud 6 year old, but I actually really am proud...so fuck it. can I even curse in here??)

Anyway she told me some really nice things that made me actually feel better about myself. She wants me to start believing in myself and I'll try it, for her, but it's gonna be hard...

She didn't tell me much about the things that bother her and what she told me just confused me. She didn't want to tell me more because she says she wants to protect me but I don't really understand what she needs to protect me from. Herself? I asked her to tell me the whole story so I could help her and really understand her. I really hope she trusts me enough to tell me everything so I can help her.

Because that's what friends do, right? They help each other.

Luke

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this one is dedicated to @inazzz thanks for all your lovely comments and your support. hope you like it. :) <3

what did you guys think about that chapter? do you think Emily's gonna tell Luke her story??

Vote, comment, share pleaase.

Thank you all so much!

Love youu j'