i should've known better

to you

to you.

this is to you. the one that i loved. the one that broke me. the one that keeps me up at night. i don't hold it against you. for hurting me. i don't hold you accountable. sure, you broke my heart. and yeah i spent nights crying myself to sleep and days waiting for you to answer your phone. i held on to the hope that maybe tomorrow would be different. maybe tomorrow you would tell me you loved me. but you didn't. and it wasn't. you started to grow distant. and i grew insecure. and the text messages i never received made me question if you even loved me. each day for two months i had a weight on my chest surrounding you. it can be summed up in seven simple words. "i don't think he loves me anymore." and it hurt for a long time. but i got over it. well, i'm getting over it. i came to a point when i realized that i don't deserve this aching pain on my chest. so i made a decision. but not because you were a bad person. you had your own reasons, and i understand. what happened was i didn't stop loving you, i just started loving me. i realized that i deserved to be free from this aching pain, this anxiety, this insecurity. so i left. and some days i regret it. other days i don't, but most days i do. i still lose my mind thinking about you. but somewhere deep down i know that this is better, even if it doesn't feel better. it doesn't feel better at all. but i guess this is how a broken heart feels. this is how it feels to get over someone. and it's not supposed to feel good, it's supposed to hurt. i'm starting to think this letter is more for me than it is for you. but you need to hear this stuff too. okay? so don't worry that you did something wrong. it's okay because i did wrong things too. it's not your fault. it breaks my heart into a thousand pieces to say this, but maybe we just weren't meant to be. ha, tears fell down my face as i wrote that. i want us to be meant for each other so bad. there's still a piece of me that thinks things will clear up and you'll be mine again. but i doubt that won't happen. i want you to know that you will always hold a piece of me and i will always hold a piece of you. i love you. whatever name you choose to live by i love you. and i swear will write about you for the rest of my life. because you are the one that made me write again.