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Thomas sat perched on the edge of his bed, giving his 4 week old son his bottle. This was the first time he'd ever fed his child, usually the servants did it because Tommy had business to see to.
But today he took a moment to really look at his baby. He admired your hard work which was evident by that gorgeous young lad laying in Thomas's arms.
He remembered the day you told him about your pregnancy, you had been acting odd all day, more fidgety than usual and you wouldn't let him kiss you.
"Come on then," Thomas said shutting the bedroom door to give you some privacy and prevent you from escaping. "What's wrong?" He asked but you hadn't yet found the words to tell him.
"Is there another man?" He asked calmly although a note in his voice resembled fear. "What? No!" You felt angry at first. How could he think you had fallen for another man?
"Then why are you acting so odd?" He put his hands in his pocket and leaned against the wall. "I was hoping to tell you this under different circumstances," you sighed. "But if you must know, I'm with child." You couldn't look him in the eye, you were scared.
Thomas said nothing at first, he just seemed to straighten up and stare at you. You knew he wouldn't want this, he wasn't ready for a child to burden him.
"How long?" He asked. "I'm 3 weeks late," you said quietly. "Have you been to the doctor?" You shook your head. "I wanted to know what your answer was first." You said still not looking at him.
"What answer?" He asked. "Do you want it?" You said quickly. Thomas frowned at you but you could not see it, you had turned to look out the window, waiting to be given the bad news that you would either have to get rid of it or get out of Tommys life.
"Are you stupid?" His words stung like a sharp knife entering your flesh. "Do I want it?" You winced at his answer. "Of course I bloody do!" You turned around, shock written over every inch of your face.
"What?" You asked fearing that you'd misheard him. "I want you," he said now in front of you. "And that baby," he said as he pressed a loving kiss to your cheek.
You were so relieved that you had cried for almost 20 minutes that night, Tommy couldn't help but laugh as he held you.
He would give anything to go back to that day. He looked down at the child in his arms. He was bottle feeding his wife's killer.
It felt wrong to Thomas to show affection to the murderer of the woman he loved. Part of him wanted nothing to do with the boy but part of him could see your face as he looked at his baby.
The birth had been a long, exhausting procedure but you hadn't managed to survive after your baby was born. Thomas was so distraught he was unable to look at the child, let alone hold it.
He wanted you back, just you. He wished on every star that night that he could go back in time to that day and tell you to get rid of it, to kill it before it killed you but he couldn't.
He knew you loved this baby, you would of adored it if you had lived. "It's not his fault Thomas," he would hear your voice whisper in the nights as he laid in your bed alone, listening to your son cry for his parents.
"Please love him," the voice would whisper. Today he understood why you begged him to love the child and he would truly try his hardest because although this was the child that unfairly took your life, it was also half of you and half of Thomas, the last bit of you that he had.
~~~~~
I'm sorry that we've started things off so sad but I just felt like writing this!
