Gracy's Begining

Chapter Ten~Mirror Image

Graser's POV(There's a huge jump coming up so be prepared:)

Stacy, I need to tell you something. Don't hate me," I say to myself in the mirror. I was pathetic. I knew if Stacy had known what I did, she would despise me.

The other day, while Stacy was at work, I went to the store. I was going to get something to eat tonight. Something caught my eye. There was an anti-depressant that no one was watching. I looked at the price tag: 147.95.

I slipped it into my jacket pocket. I hadn't figured out how to tell Stacy yet. I took two before we went to the movie with Parker and Shelby, and it worked so well!

"Stacy, I have something really important to say. Just promise you won't hate me," I say to myself again.

"I've done something bad Stacy and I need to tell you." Nothing sounded good. I looked at myself in the mirror. I saw a thief, a worthless person. Why was I even on this planet. All I do is disappoint!

"Breath, Zach. You are going to be OK. Stacy will be home soon," I sat. Stacy's name doesn't feel the same on my tongue. It's dry and rough in a way. I don't want to say her name anymore. I try to avoid saying it. I don't let my breathing go out of control. The anti-depressant container was on the counter. It was almost taunting me; just it's existence. 

"Breath," I repeat. I was OK. 

Stacy would be back from work in an hour or so. That's how long I had to think of an explanation. I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen. 

I brainstormed ideas that whole hour. 'Stacy, I've bad news' and 'This is really important' were my top ones. What was I thinking? The correct answer was I wasn't. 

My phone buzzed.

I read the message aloud, "Hey, I'm on my way home. Got off early." I cursed aloud, too. 

I now had less time to think of an answer to why there were anti-depressants in the bathroom. I didn't want to think of an answer. I shut down.

Stacy knocked on the door. I don't know why; she had a key. "Graser? You in there?" 

She unlocked the door. I was there, curled in a ball on the couch, crying and barely breathing. I wasn't OK this time. Everything that happened was fuzzy. Stacy cradled me until I almost had taken control again. 

I remember her screaming as she walked in. She said my name. Zachary! I hated the way she said it, too. She said it like I was innocent. 

"I need to tell you something," I barely managed to say. 

"Tell me once you're not fighting to breath!" I was almost there. Then, my breathing was normal again.

"I did something...I need to tell...really important," I stutter. I sounded insane. 'Caml down, Graser' I told myself.

"Just tell me. It couldn't be that bad." She was still talking to me like an innocent. 

"It's in the bathroom," I say, giving up on everything. I slump over and cry. I tune out the rest of the world. 

"Zachary, it's fine. I'm not mad at all," she cooed. Her words danced around my head like sweet music. But I tuned it out. I kept quiet the entire night.

"I'm not mad," Stacy kept repeating. I knew she wasn't. I was mad at myself. 

I finally got up from the couch and went to the bathroom. I looked for my new tube of toothpaste in the drawer. I found something else. It was a box of razor blades. I don't shave and neither does Stacy of course. That's when I pulled it together. Stacy needed me, now. She needed to know I understood. 

"I know your not," I said, opening the bathroom door. 

"What?" She asked, wiping a small tear from her cheek. 

"I'm so sorry, Stacy! Thank you for not being mad," I said. I almost broke into tears again. I had to be strong. She just jumped from the edge of the bed and hugged me. 

I wasn't medicated, but I kissed her. I was myself, and I stood here, locking my lips with hers. I realized then, I was myself last time. Not once had I been someone different around her because I didn't need to be. She was just like me in so many ways. 

She broke the kiss. "I love you, Zachary." We didn't say anything else. We just locked eyes. I saw my reflection in her fudge brown eyes. 

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