La La Land

Un-namable

Your name feels so strange in my hand yet as if it is a newborn child, I cradle it, holding it so safe, as if letting it go would result in losing you and although I know loss on a person level, I am still scared.

Scared that like a child you will grow old and tired of my constant worry. 

Scared that the moment I learn to hold you without worried tears, 

you'll be big enough to stand and your name will be unfamiliar, 

you'll be distant. 

I will never hold your name like a baby, or even at all, again.

Like a childless mother. 

Like an unfit father. 

I am scared.

Of losing you. 

Of losing the one good thing I have left. 

Of losing the right to even utter your name in the quiet whispers of hush. 

Of losing

You.