Write Me a Love Story (OHSHC)

XXIV: Reconsider

March 14, Friday

Never in his life had Kyouya felt so uneasy about something.

He prided himself on having cultivated the ability to turn his emotions off and keep them off. He was known for having a stone-cold attitude toward almost everyone, and he was unafraid of living up to those expectations. In a sense, Kyouya Ootori was known for being a jerk, but he wanted it that way. Less people willingly speaking to him made it easier to be selective about those with whom he chose to interact.

Kyouya had been sitting pretty in that position. He lived for the effect he had on others. Kaiyoka, however, didn't care about that position at all. She threw him off of his high-horse and he'd never been able to get back on in quite the same way. She didn't care about his wealth or what he could do for her. She opened him up and made him smile, laugh with ease, and act like a regular high schooler. And somehow, he didn't mind it. Perhaps he even welcomed the change. Granted, Kyouya took plenty of time to deny his feelings, but he accepted them eventually.

It wasn't until he'd accepted those feelings, though, that he realized that he was losing a part of himself. He had changed long before he was made aware of his own feelings, and it was finally obvious. The stone wall with no door in his heart was lost entirely to Kaiyoka. It was a delayed reaction, but by the time he realized the change, he had changed. There wasn't a door in the wall at that point - the wall was gone entirely.

So Kyouya cut her off, which logically would have solved the problem. It worked, for a while. He threw himself back into securing his position as successor of the Ootori group, working day and night to outdo his brothers. He was doing exactly what he had been doing before he approached Kaiyoka that day about writing.

So why, then, was he still being driven mad by guilt a month later?

Kyouya sighed, placing his head in his hands. He shut his computer, rubbing his eyes and blinking in the dim light of his bedroom. His chair slid silently over the carpet as he pushed himself away from his desk. Glasses removed, he covered his eyes with one outstretched hand for no reason, leaning back in the chair heavily. He glanced at the sun as a means of checking the time, and sighed again upon realizing that the sun had disappeared. It had gone to bed before he had and left him staring at a blank sky.

But never mind the sun. The guilt was creeping back into his mind, and it sent him reeling. It had come after his conscience with an even stronger vengeance within the last week, and Kyouya couldn't handle it any more. Every time Kaiyoka's glasses-clad face appeared in his mind, he felt a bit of his resistance melt away. Fuyumi was right, Kyouya found himself thinking. He sat up, a little more attentive at the thought. All this time, I was convinced that Kaiyoka meant more to me than she should, and I should focus on attaining the company. But really, the complete opposite is true.

I have to apologize. The new thought appeared in his mind, and he physically recoiled at it. Kyouya hated apologizing, because it was a sign of a mistake and weakness. It was the biggest self-inflicted blow to his ego possible. But he had made up his mind, or perhaps his mind made itself up, and he was going to do it. He'd wasted a month as it was. The want to apologize- something Kyouya Ootori never did- was outweighing the craving he had for the Ootori company. It was scary all at once, for him to realize this truth, but it was a relief to finally recognize it.

Kyouya grabbed his notebook and a pen with the full intention of writing out his thoughts in the form of an apology, but something stopped him. The pen hovered above the paper, unmoving, and Kyouya just stared at it. He considered, for a fleeting moment, putting the book down and dismissing the whole idea. Then the image of Kaiyoka sitting in their Language class merely hours ago in school flashed in his thoughts, reminding him of why he was doing this.