Write Me a Love Story (OHSHC)

XXIII: Back To How It Was

February 25

Somehow, it felt emptier.

They all noticed. It was strange how hard it hit them, how much of an indent she'd left on the club. Her absence left a gaping hole in the room. Even though Kaiyoka had only been with them for so long, she was an asset to the club. It felt incomplete without her there. And, Tamaki noticed, as cliché as it was, they would all often glance back into the corner that was now glaringly empty and pray that she'd appear there if they hoped hard enough.

The host club had ended up closing early, since Kaiyoka's absence took a toll on the overall mood. Even the overwhelming number of new customers couldn't keep the empty feeling at bay. They all cleaned up in silence and then sat, not quite ready to move, or stand, or do anything. Subconsciously, they were all expecting her to walk back into the room, carrying her notebook as usual and greeting everyone cheerfully. It was a rude awakening that they wouldn't get to hear that anymore.

"She'll come back." Haruhi tried to convince herself, speaking to no one in general. She sounded unsure.

"No," Tamaki said from across the room, "She won't." He shot a glance at Kyouya, who was still sitting at the table and typing steadily as if nothing had happened. "She was made to feel unimportant. Why would she want to?" At that, Kyouya raised his head for the first time to look at Tamaki. His blonde friend had a rather irritated look on his face, but Kyouya didn't seem to notice that it was directed at him.

"What are you all talking about? Where are the rest of our guests?" He asked, frustration evident in his tone. Kyouya had had his nose buried in his computer all day and just noticed that the club had closed early. He had been up all night on caffeine-fueled energy, he'd been sleep-deprived more than usual for the past week, and unrecognized guilt was driving him insane. He was more irritable than usual.

"Kaiyoka left the host club. For good," Tamaki informed him sharply, feeling a sudden urge to get up and find Kaiyoka, and bring her back so that Kyouya wouldn't have a choice but to talk to her and fix what he'd done. The boy he'd started the host club with, his best friend and business partner, was either unaware or apathetic about the fact that he was the reason she left. And for as long as he'd known Kyouya, Tamaki knew it was the latter.

Tamaki knew it wasn't hard to believe. He truly did. But he somehow still found it hard to believe that Kyouya abandoned his affections for Kaiyoka because of his father's company. Tamaki had tried to get Kyouya to tell him why he'd dropped Kaiyo the day after the Ouran fair, but he dismissed all talk of her completely. He turned back into 'regular Kyouya' after the fair, staring at his computer for most of the school day and during club hours. The Kyouya they all knew, the Kyouya who bristled toward the majority of humanity but put on a fake smile only if you were of use to him.

All Kyouya did in response to Tamaki was raise an eyebrow. He knew he was infuriating his best friend, but he had too many other things pressing on his conscience to care.

"Hm. I'll have to rework the budget," Kyouya responded. His eyes slid back to the computer, the glare from the screen reflecting on his glasses and keeping his eyes from view of the others.

"How could you-" Haruhi began, but Tamaki cut her off with a solid glance, shaking his head. He knew what she was going to say- how could you say that?- but the words would fall on deaf ears. Kyouya had to realize on his own that he messed up, and Tamaki guessed that it would only be a matter of time before Kyouya would regret how things went down. Kaiyoka was the only person outside of his family that he didn't see as a smart business move. Kyouya actually cared about her, but he either didn't realize it or was trying not to.

"Let's go. I'll take you home today," Tamaki said, standing up briskly and pulling Haruhi up with him. They both grabbed their backpacks and, with a final glance at Kyouya from Tamaki, they walked out of the room.

The twins, Mori, and Honey followed them soon after, the shorter senior whispering a quiet,

"Bye, Kyo-chan." to Kyouya as he left. Of course, he didn't get a response, so Honey quietly shut the door and left with Mori. Kyouya just tiredly watched them all leave, staring idly at the place Honey had been standing in just moments before. He still had some time before he had to go home, since the club had closed so early.

After a minute, he returned his focus to his computer. He stared at the screen, which had been on the same analytics page the entire time he'd been in the club. Kyouya couldn't bring himself to actually work, so he opted to shut his laptop now that everyone was gone.

He took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes tiredly, getting up to stretch his legs. He found himself standing by the window, looking over the fountain in the garden below.

Hindsight is 20/20, he found himself thinking. He quickly pushed that out of his mind, not stopping to think about the context from which it had come. He cleared the thought from his conscience and it was replaced by his father's words.

Make a choice.

What if he didn't want to? What if he didn't want to make a choice?

Kyouya sighed; that was the problem. It wasn't a what-if. He truly didn't want to choose between... Kaiyoka and his father, between the host club and the family business, between anything and anything. He just wanted to exist without anyone telling him how to do it, exist for himself. He wanted Tamaki to stop being angry with him, although he knew that his blonde best friend was rightfully mad because Kaiyoka's absence was his fault. Tamaki loved having Kaiyoka around- he almost called Kyouya about her more than he did about Haruhi.

He was torn between wanting things to go back to the way they were before he met Kaiyoka and the fear that, if it were to happen, he'd feel like something was missing. Kyouya genuinely couldn't tell what he wanted anymore. He wanted too many conflicting things to keep his priorities straight.

Kyouya sighed audibly, returning to his table and packing up his things. He turned off the lights and locked the music room doors behind him, and stood for a moment in front of them before walking away. Striding down the hallway with purpose, his brain slowly processing and then dismissing every fleeting thought that crossed his mind.