Ink Stained

102: the future*

Maybe he would have been more understanding of the loneliness Pai claimed haunted the woman in her mind, if not for everything that had happened to Pai in her past, everything she was going through now. In hindsight, he knew perhaps that was cruel of him, to be so totally focused on Pai that he disregarded another's suffering, but then he remembered what Pai said last time she was in this sleepwalker's state.

You condemned me to this madness!

Any stirrings of pity for Kuniumi withered away at the memory.

He didn't like that Kuniumi was another unknown factor in their lives. She wasn't a lonely, grieving woman to him. To him, she was a threat he didn't know how to protect Pai from.

He didn't know how to feel about how she clung to Kuniumi, either. A part of him thought he could understand where she was coming from, afraid to let Kuniumi go because of that all that grief and loneliness. Part of the reason he'd hesitated to agree to Kagetora's training – besides his incurable hatred of the goddamned Kitsune – was because he worried about what would happen to Shinigami once he didn't need his Mask anymore.

His ability to relate to what Pai felt about Kuniumi wasn't the problem though. Not exactly. He was worried that she was drawing parallels between her own grief and Kuniumi's. He couldn't be sure of whether or not she was using Kuniumi as a crutch who understood the parts of her Shin was yet to see, the parts of her she was afraid of letting out.

Was her reliance on Kuniumi more dangerous than what her memories would eventually reveal?

He was more worried than he could remember ever being in his life, so much so that his classic poker face hardly ever dropped these days. It was his coping mechanism, in a manner, a way he could deflect questions from himself and redirect them where they needed to be. The only times the mask did slip and break away was when he was with Pai, when she smiled.

That wasn't happening nearly as much as he wished.

He was glad for the fact that becoming Kamigami, however slow-going it was, came with the relief of not needing to sleep anymore. It had taken him two days worth of trying to figure out that he didn't need it anymore. His body wasn't worn out by exhaustion and sleep deprivation. All he really needed was a few quiet hours to himself, away from the flurry of activity at home, and he'd be fine.

At first, he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Those quiet hours meant his thoughts and the worries that consumed him could rage on and loud until he found something to occupy his attention. He did not appreciate that – but then he found something that did keep his restless thoughts at bay.

The first night when he and Pai were up on the roof of Ayashi House, watching the glittering stars and talking about nothing and everything, she fell asleep in his arms despite trying so hard not to. He'd decided it was quite possibly the best thing to come out of the hell he'd gone through on Ukabarenairei to get to this point.

It meant he could stay up and watch her sleep for as long as he wanted. He could marvel at the way she let out little puffs of air in contentment after shifting around every once in a while to a more comfortable position. He could allow his hard demeanour to drop for a while as he watched the small smile grace her lips when he moved just so that her head was nestled more comfortably against his chest, or against the crook between his shoulder and neck, pillowing her.

Watching her sleep, knowing that she trusted him enough to hold her and keep her safe when she was at her most vulnerable, after everything that had happened in her life, after she'd hidden herself from everyone around her for so long for fear of rejection, had him falling deeper and deeper in love with the butterfly of his life.