In My Own Words

Social Anxiety

Large crowds,

Conversations with no one around,

I fear that most

When my breathing is about to overdose.

Yet I still make myself do it,

Thinking that I will get over the constant paranoia

Of someone breathing down my back

Watching my every move

With no say in what I do.

Presenting is the worst,

With all eyes on me.

I can feel every heated gaze,

As it almost sweeps off my feet.

My breathing starts to quicken,

My body shaking

And my eyes closing tightly to stop the horrendous feeling

Of the Earth breaking.

So when teachers call on me,

I secretly curse to the world.

And as I respond back,

The voice in my head still remains unheard.

I want to scream and shout

Yelling about all the things that have been kept in my mouth,

For all these years

That I have been afraid to tell anyone about.

Every night I bury my face in my hands,

Thinking about all the things I have said,

And how I spoke with my face getting red.

Social anxiety has always been a part of me.

Sometimes it comes and goes,

But each day I dread it a little bit more,

Because my body is so sore from the abuse,

That as each day passes,

I dread going to school and social gatherings,

And to me it is a war. 

Social anxiety has always been a part of my life for as long as I remember. It started getting really bad when I started 7th grade. I wish I can put into words of how I feel, in which I have, but that is something I can never put on a platform where anyone can see. 

PLEASE listen to, "We Don't Have To Dance" by Andy Black. It is about social anxiety. Right when I heard this I started to cry, not only because the song is so amazing, but it is also because I relate to it. 

I put a link to it in the beginning of the chapter. Hope you enjoy :)

BUT CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW HOT HE IS?!?! Too bad he is married lol

-Shadow