Fuck Under the Thin Sheets

X (rewrite)

"Ano gaga iiyak ka nanaman?" sermon saakin si lorraine habang humahagulgol ako sa doctor's lounge kung saan nataon na kami lang dalawa.

"raine ang sakit. ang sakit sakit" bumuntong hininga naman siya

"corinne as much as i want to comfort you and tell you the things that you want to hear, I can't. it was you who made your own grave. ikaw ang pumili niyan and you let your guards down for someone you know will never be yours." tinignan ko siya sa mata and i see sincerity. she is right. i know. alam na alam ko yon. and i don't want to make any excuses anymore.

i feel so ashamed kay raine. halos hindi ko siya matigil sa kakaiyak when she knew what happened to carinne and I. she kept on saying sorry but the one who should feel that is me and me alone. lorraine has been nothing but a family to me

"corinne, ang nakita mo kaninang umaga it was just nothing. that pain is nothing in the future if you wont stop this. lalo na kapag nalaman na niya ang mga totoong dahilan bakit mo siya iniwanan noon." i sniffed and i shut my eyes tight saka ako lumunok.

"do the right thing corinne. wala kang kasalanan sa mga nangyari. you guys are  victims of a bad fate. put an end to this bad story corinne. Move out of his house and tell him the truth. lalo na at gising na si Carinne."

nahimasmasan ako sa mga sinabi ni raine. i know that carinne needs me pero heto at umiiyak nanaman ako sa sulok dahil sa mga katangahan ko sa buhay.

hindi naman nagtagal at may mga dumating na sa lounge at nag ayos nako ng sarili at nagpaalam na kay raine para gawin ang last round ko. i asked for a leave of absence and it is approved right away naman. now that carinne is okay i need to focus on her and celeen. celeen is going home too and finally, we're being complete. ayoko man gawing dahilan or escape goat ang mga kapatid ko pero it's also a chance to get away from kurt.

after i checked for my last patient I went to my sister's room at nadatnan ko siyang kumakain ng grapes. carinne is recovering fast. her vitals are now okay and she is also talking to a psychiatrist so we can work on her trauma. nakakatulong din sa development niya ang madalas na pagpunta ng mga kaibigan nito at ang madalas na pagtawag at video call ni celeen. she will get her life back soon.

lumapit ako sakaniya and saw a bouquet of sunflowers on her bedside table napakunot noo ako sakaniya.

"where did those came from?" i asked her and she smiled at me

"just from a good friend from the past" i nodded at her and smiled. hindi ko na siya inusisa pa.

"ate when is ate celeen going home?"

"she said she'll just finish the term." tumango tango naman siya

"do you want me to call her?" at agad naman siyang umiling

"hindi na ate. ikaw ate hindi ka pa ba uuwi?"

"i want to stay here with you"

"but ate you don't need to. i am fine now. sabi ni ate raine i can go home in few weeks. you should take some rest we can catch up naman once we get home diba? please ate take care of yourself naman" huminga ako ng malalim.

"okay. but call me if-"

"ate... i'm okay here" she assured me. i nodded at her and kissed her forehead.

kaagad naman ako nakarating sa parking dala na rin na wala na din gaanong gumagamit ng elevator dahil pasado alas otso na rin ng gabi.

"why are you still here?" kaagad naman ako lumingon sa pinanggalingan ng boses at pinagsisihan ko iyon dahil sana ay hindi nalang ako lumingon at nagbingi bingihan nalang

"why do you care"

"kanina ka pa dapat tapos. wala ka sa lounge. where were you?"

"again why do you-"

"answer me corinne" he said coldly

"wala kang pakialam" saka ko siya tinalikuran pero mabilis niyang nahablot ang braso ko

"KURT ANO BA!"

"what you saw this morning-"

"wala akong pakialam!!! bitawan mo ako" binitawan naman niya ako

"wala ako pakialam sayo at sa kung sino man ang kakangkangin mo!you and I are nothing. you dont need to tell me anything so please. spare me from all of these bullshits because i've had enough!"

i left him there without even looking at him again. deep inside me, i feel so bad dahil hindi ako yon. i dont speak like that and maybe i was really hurt and i hate myself for being upset if he was hurt with my words after everything. i am so done with these guilt trips that he give me.

technically, I still need to go home sa condo niya dahil kinuha niya ang susi ng condo ko at lahat naman ng gamit ko ay nandito. maybe next week i can move out since my sister is going home. kaagad naman ako nahiga sa malambot at malaki niyang kama. i feel nothing right now but disgust. pakiramdam ko ang dumi dumi ko for being in here. i am like his another woman that stays in the master's bedroom.

i want to hate him pero i just can't. and i am not sure if he deserves the hate.

soon enough he'll know everything. and maybe raine is right. kurt deserves the truth. and we both need an ending in this tragic story