AN: Well, this is a turn away from my usual style. This should be 8 or 9 chapters long. And if somehow missed the description completely, this story involves suicide, self harm, and a healthy dose of alcoholism and abuse. Fun, I know. If you have any sensitivity for these concepts, please use discretion. I don't want to hurt someone. Otherwise, please R&R and enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: HO, I DON'T OWN NOTHING, LET ALONE THIS WONDERFUL SERIES.
Rin sobbed as his brother's fist connected with his stomach, slamming into a wall and sliding to the floor. This was all too normal, Yukio would tell him he was going out, Rin wouldn't say a thing in response, he learned not to, and he'd come back drunk. He got abusive when he was drunk. It hurt. Rin wasn't stupid. He knew passing the exorcist exam would just barely secure his survival. But still, he fought. He had friends who fought with him. And he had his brother. At least, he did at one point.
Now he wondered if the sweet, innocent little boy he'd grown up with had ever existed. It was easy to see why. The lies (Even Dad), the secrets (Why?), the broken promises (he'd said he'd stop every time) all told a story of betrayal and deadly secrets (since they were seven). All Rin ever heard about was how amazing his brother was, how intelligent, brave, strong, clever, the list went on and on. But after going through what may as well have been hell on earth (2 years in this cycle), all the 19 year old saw was the brutal, abusive monster he became. No, not monster. Demon.
"Why?" He sobbed out softly, curling in on himself. "You wanna know why?" His voice slurred. "It's 'cause you took my childhood from me. You killed my father. You took him from me. I said it before and I'll say it again, you should just die." Now, death was all he wanted. He would take the grave, prison, whatever, just to escape. Escape Yukio and his own thoughts. "Gomenasai, please, please stop." The tears fell in rapid succession. The raspy apology seemed to quell his anger and he stalked off, likely to sleep off the liquor. He would apologize in the morning. Always the same "Nii-san, I'm so sorry, I'll stop I swear." Rin had stopped believing him a long time ago. Because it never stopped. It never would stop.
Once the tears had made their course, Rin pulled a box cutter from his pocket, steadying it over his arm. It helped, the blade sliding into his tender, pale flesh, his blood running down his arms, the pain stinging of his own accord. It was just as healthy as Yukio and his alcoholism, he knew it, but it was all he could think of to help, to get those voices that told him his brother was right, to stop. He wished his dad were here. He'd find a way to help him. If he were still alive then maybe Yukio wouldn't be drinking at all. But no, he was dead. Rin had killed him, Rin had told him he wasn't his father, it was all Rin's-
He made a deep cut in his left wrist, the sharp sting shutting off this thoughts. Shut up. He stared at the cuts, new tears forming in his blue eyes. Why did his death still have to tear him up? "Gomenasai." He sobbed out once more, though this time to someone different. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I didn't mean it. I miss you so much Dad." He felt something furry rub against his leg. Kuro climbed up into his lap, rubbing his head against his stomach. The small comfort did a lot for Rin as he cuddled the small body to him, the tears and sobs continuing to flow. 'It's going to be okay Rin, some how.' The promise was empty of course, but any words helped. "What am I gonna do, Kuro? I'll do anything to get out, but I can't stay here." 'I know Rin. You'll find something, you're smart.' The cat sidhe told him. Really if Rin would let him, Kuro would've happily ripped Yukio to shreds without hesitation. He almost did the first time it happened.
After what felt like an eternity, Rin got up and went into the bathroom. He quickly washed off the blood and sweat. All his tears were gone, and his eyes were dead. He felt dead. Finally, he crawled into his bed next to Yukio, the exhaustion catching up to him. The last thought he had was a simple one, 'I'm done with this. One or another, I'm getting out.'
AN: Kacchan: Wow, this... is... dark. Are you okay?
Of course. I'm just crazy.
Kacchan: Send help!
Okay, but for real tho, thx for reading this, I'll probably post the next chapter in a few days, I just want to experiment more with my writing, and I produced this. And if you couldn't tell by the title, I was initially inspired by Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. I seriously want constructive criticism. That's 'This is how you can improve.' not 'This totally sucks.' I don't need none of that. Ja ne and God bless. Stay warm!
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Fanfiction'To whom it may concern, Rin Okumura is going to commit suicide at 6:30 PM today. Don't try to stop me, I can't do this anymore.' Those were the words Rin intended to go out on. Life, and more importantly, the Kyoto trio had better plans.
