Learning to deal

after thought

    Cervical cancer is a preventable disease, lets brake that phrase down shall we. First word preventable, meaning stoppable, avoidable something we can take steps to make sure it never happens. You know they call rape preventable. Lets look at the second word disease- illness sickness a dysfunction of the body not caused by physical injury. That's a pretty wide definition

    Telling me this is preventable is like saying this is my fault, like i could of fixed or stopped this before it happened. Preventable disease is only classified as such because that means there is a vaccine for it. Let me enlighten you on this particular vaccine

    I've had it not once but twice, the vaccine is for HPV which causes 85% of all cervical cancers. There are 20 different stands of HPV, back when i had these shots it only helped block 4 stands of HPV today it only blocks against 9 stands so there is still a 50% chance that my own daughter's could end up with this issue, but again it's preventable 

  I got told this change has been going on inside my body for the last 5 years, so 4 years ago when a dr. called to tell me that my tests were abnormal and that i needed to come back in rather than telling me why once i relayed to her that i no longer had insurance she told me bye have a nice life. 4 years ago it was still minimal, 4 years ago it was still preventable, 4 years ago it was still precancerous

    So am i upset about the fact that this could of been fixed 4 years ago, absolutely, i have every right to be. Am i annoyed at the fact that because of a mis-diagnoses the insurance i obviously needed was denied to me you bet, and even now when my husband pays over $15,000 a year to insure the health of this family that a new doctor can still tell me " no i wont treat you because your to sick" because that's what this world has come to

    I'm sick because i was denied coverage and care, i was denied coverage and care because i was sick. I'ts a vicious cycle, where dose it stop, how do we fix it because millions of others have the same problem. how many people have gone threw this How do we help treat problems if we refuse to even look, in a world where your copay for dental is $50 compared to your copay for your health that's $1500. why? So we can have great fake smiles to look good so we can hide the sickness that is consuming a person, because the moto is it's better to look good than to feel good

   I'm done with the freak out, i have coped with the demon called stress with the angry of what if because this is called a preventable disease. The cause is preventable the effect is not but i'm lucky. stage 1 cervical cancer has a 95% survival rate and usually does not require chemo or radiation, rather a simple procedure, one in which i was fully awake for and they removed 60% of my cervical tissue with an electrical wire. You know the only difference between a procedure and surgery is that one requires a special dr. to put you to sleep the other dose not.

   However this is far from over, yes the margins were clear, no the mutated cells had not traveled beyond the walls of my cervix but that does not mean the rest of my reproductive organs are healthy, they could very well have cancer of there very own once i'm healed from this procedure we will test to find out, i could still very possibly be headed for a operating table and i'm ok with that. only 2mm separated the cancer cells in my cervix from my uterine wall so now every 6 months for the next 5 years i half to be checked, so this is going to be a long road one i am fully prepared to travel. knowing fair well that this was not my fault and that i did everything i could to prevent it, knowing there is no cure and that i will carry the genome for cancer the rest of my life, and that it increases my chances of having it in the future 10 fold But it will not stop me, I am still me and it will not change that.

    Physically, yes there is a lot it could change a lot it could take away, but it will not brake me i will not become consumed by it, if i get all down and mopey it wins and i'm not ok with that, i will still live i will still laugh, life will go on and i will be here to see it all good and bad no matter the cost. 

    Dear cancer, you will not beat me.