Learning to deal

Blind

I can not see, nor will I ever understand how you can.

How can you be so blinded by a sickness that is eating away at your mind that you can justify these lies to yourself, to us, to me

How can you sit here and believe in this lie this world of false hope that you have created for her and yourself, This medical physical impossibility that you have come to adorn and put faith in.

I know that you are sick, that your mind and body have been poisoned and nothing can be done to fix or stop the monster eating away at you, but how much worse must you have to make this for everyone with you in this fight.

I should be the good child and be happy for you, and if this lie is what's going to keep you believing that I am happy for you then I will smile and say kind things but know that it is not an easy task or pill to swallow. 

You tell me that i'm going to have a baby brother and his mother is younger than I am by almost 8 years and younger than you by over 20. I know age is just a number but I also know your sickness does not know how old you are anymore but it does know you are sterile and so do I 

You seem to think that by the grace of some god you had some swimmers left alive, but I know better. I also know this child will have a wonderful father as I did you will except him as your own as you already have but I know the truth and I am finding it very hard to except your happy news and for this I am Sorry

I know It's rude of me to doubt or judge the situation that I am not prey to all the information, You were and are a wonderful parent and loved me and took me in when no one else would. However I know the truth, becuasse of  my tether, my connection to you and my visions from it

Visions so strong I could not pull myself out or away for nearly an hour as I yelled at her, A woman I've never met, never seen in my life at least to my current knowledge. A woman I do not know

For being unfaithful, for being a liar a cheat a beautiful waste of life because she is so young selfish and ignorant, and playing a game with the wrong family, yet you will raise the child anyway because you care for it and it's real DNA does not and she new this.

She never wanted you just the baby and someone to take care of her and the baby for her so the man she really wants the real father can still treat her like shit, bed her and never take responsibility for his own actions as she has already once had an abortion for this man.

So she used you, because you are sick, and you are blinded by that sickness and your love for her, A love that has made you create a whole new world all for her, all out of love where she is your new wife and that baby is your new me 

How are you so blinded?