Sonder

Chapter 1

It's been weeks since our talk, Julia and I, and I have regretted it since the moment I spit the words out between heavy sobs.

Yet I was grateful for her when she covered for me when my mother checked in on us.

"Hey, how are you two doing?" My mother asked, lightly tapping on the door before pushing it open.

"Oh, we're doing just fine, Mrs. Price." I felt Julia's hand pat my head from the top of the blanket that was thrown over my head in a hurry. "Lily was just making it dark to see these glow in the dark bracelets better that I've been wearing. We were far too lazy to get up and turn off the light."

"Oh, okay. Well, dinner is going to be ready, soon. Will you be staying with us?"

"You know I am." Julia chuckled and there was a moment of silence until I heard the door click shut, and then the blanket was thrown off of my head.

Julia had tried countless times to talk about it again, but I would have to politely, sometimes sternly, tell her no.

I had spilled everything to her that night, everything that had been going on, that I was feeling.

At first I felt relieved when I told her, but then after she began to try to bring it up, I knew it was a mistake.

I had noticed all the looks of pity she gave me. And she also tries her best to stay at my side instead of letting me have space to breathe.

I try my best to not explode on her, becuase I do appreciate her efforts, genuinely. But it does get suffocating from time to time.

"Lily!" I whipped my head around to see Julia jogging up to me with a huge goofy grin on her face that I couldn't help but return.

"What's up?" I asked when she got closer to me.

"Guess who got assigned to be my partner for the science project that I told you about?"

"You mean the one you would not stop complaining about every day?" I teased. "What made you so excited about it now?"

"Its fate!" Julia shrieked before spinning in a circle and squealing. "He's my partner! Evan!"

Evan was a boy that Julia had been crushing so hard on for as long as I could remember. I could agree that he was cute, but I couldn't see myself with him. He does seem cute with Julia.

I squealed along with her. "Seriously? Please tell me you aren't joking, I've been rooting for you kids to get together for the longest time."

"No, I swear on my own grave, he is my partner. And guess what?" Her smile got even wider, if that was possible, and her cheeks flushed. "I'm gonna try to make a move. I mean, it's about time, right?"

I nodded but scoffed. "Julia, it's been 'about time' for a billion years, now. You've had plenty of chances."

"Shush, I'm happy." Julia joked and I laughed with her.

"I know you are. I'm just glad it's finally happening." I said. "Geez, it took so long."

She laughed from beside me as we approached our lockers.

"I know," Julia sighed dreamily.

"Hey," I nudged her side with my arm. "Have you ever even talked to him before? I know I haven't, and I'd like to meet him to make sure he's good enough for my best friend."

"Pssh, there's no need for that," she retorted. "Trust me, he's perfect. He's smart, cute, cares about school, and he's just the nicest person you will ever meet."

I scoffed and put my hand over my heart in mock hurt. "You mean to tell me that he's even nicer than me?"

Julia laughed and smacked my arm. "Dude, you know I didn't mean that."

"Whatever, I get it." I shrugged and she shot me a look and I laughed. "Hey, Jules, you better not leave me for him if you two lovebirds get together."

Julia gasped and looked at me in disbelief. "Hey, I would never do that to you, you know that!"

I opened my locker and packed my books in there with a laugh. Then I turned to shoot her a smile. "Yeah, I know."

***

"I just don't understand why you didn't tell me sooner."

I rolled my eyes and turned away and began walking in the other direction. "You know I told you several times that I were to never speak of it again."

Julia caught me by the arm and I stopped, but still stared ahead and not at her. "Yes, but you know we do have to talk about it sometime. Maybe even get you some help."

At this point, I laughed. "Help? What, are you gonna make me join a support group?"

"Well..."

"Wait, seriously?" I pulled my arm from her grasp and turned to look at her.

Her eyes widened and I saw her feet hesitate, as if she were to step back.

"You see, this is why I never should've opened my mouth." I shook my head at her, chest rising and falling rapidly as my hands began to shake. "I-I never wanted to even tell you any of that, and I shouldn't have. It was a mistake. And I've told you numerous times to get off my case about it, but you never listened!"

"Lily--"

"No!" I snapped, causing a few heads to turn. God, I hate how nosy people can be. "Look, even if I were to go to a stupid support group, it wouldn't help. They'd probably all sit in a circle together and sing Kumbaya while I would be cowering in the background, praying for it to stop."

I saw Julia's lips quirk up slightly at that. "This isn't funny, Jules." Then she frowned with a sigh.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have suggested it. It was a dumb thing to say." She apologized quietly, and stepped back a little bit. "I promise I won't bring it up again, unless you do."

"If I ever do," I muttered.

"Right. If you ever do."

I sighed at the guilt that spread across her face and that hurt that flashed in her eyes.

"Julia, don't feel bad. I know you were trying to help, it's okay, really. It is." I reassured her, but she only nodded, which resulted in another sigh from me before I slung my arm over her shoulders and walked with her out of the school doors.

"Are you sure--"

"I am positively sure, Julia. I'm not going to a support group." I rolled my eyes.

"Worth a shot." I heard her mutter and couldn't help but smile, and I turned away to make sure she didn't see.