Breathe

Chapter 14 - The Good Days Are Starting to Die

 Lightly smoked fish. Burning peppermint candles. Humid air. The clanging of broken chipped plates and silverware. All of this wrapped up in a single room—a crowded room —with people sitting at a table who are not-so-quietly eating dinner.

Looking up, I noticed that there was a surprising lack of conversation today. The typical main culprits were eating quietly next to each other, either ignoring the other or not feeling in the mood for an argument. As for everyone else, Esmae wasn't darting around like usual and neither was Chris. Both of them were sitting with us; Mae was at my side and Chris was where he always sat. It wasn't as though the mood was solemn or tense; in fact, for one of the few times in forever, it seemed light, likely due to the smell of the holidays in the air. Which is somewhat odd, especially considering the fact that it was months upon months away.

Remembering what I had found earlier, I decided to bring it up. Breaking the silence, I stated, "I found something that might be interesting." Everyone looked at me. Carrying on, I added, "I was looking through the archived articles on a computer at school and clicked on one of them and got redirected to a locked site. It could lead to somewhere interesting or beneficial for the search for the cure."

"Adair, you said you found this on the computer?"

I nodded at Luckas. "Yes. It took me a few clicks to get to it, however."

"How can you be sure that it'll help us?"

I finished chewing and swallowed. "I'm not, but I am sure that something interesting must be on the site."

"Talking about the cure, I think we should go on another mission," Esmae chimed. It was her turn to be looked at. She perked up a little but simmered down. "We're running low of stuff like food and water. We barely have enough oil to fry or cook with, and that's a staple... unless we want burnt food and stuff. Plus, it's been a while since we've gone out as a group. I think it'd be a good bonding experience."

"Who'll stay behind—"

"No one's staying behind!" Chris exclaimed, cutting Axel off. Stammering a little, he said timidly, "Sorry. But don't you remember what happened last time?"

She bit her lip. "'Course I do. I can't forget about."

"Despite that, I agree with Esmae," I stated, "if we're running low on rations, we need to refill them. Anyway, we should be fine if everyone goes—there's no need to protecting an empty house."

"It's dangerous now," Luckas stated calmly, "We also don't have a navigator anymore. If we do go, where do you suggest that we go, Adair?"

A memory flashed in my mind and before I knew it, I blurted out, "The house on the cliff." I looked up at him, "It's perfect."

Clang.

"NO!"

I turned to the source of the scream. It was Esmae. Her fingers were twisted in her light brown locks, and her head was faced down. Her eyes were shut. Tight. She was shaking her head, as though she was trying to get a thought out of her head.

Once more, she repeated that same word: "No, no, no, no, no!" Then, with one deep breath, she screamed it once more: "NO!" Looking up at me with tired, distressed eyes, she begged, "Anywhere but there. Not again. Please, let's never go there again."

"What's wrong—"

"ANYWHERE BUT THERE!" She fell back in her chair. Then, taking deep breaths, she calmed down and looked back at me with a sheepish look. "Let's just not repeat anything that we didn't like, okay? I just don't want something bad to happen again."

"Esmae, that place has water, food, information-"

"I said 'anywhere but there'," she repeated, more so sounding annoyed than anything else. Looking away, she murmured, "Just... never again, okay? There's definitely a better place. We just need to look...or something. Somewhere where no one will get hurt."

I opened my mouth, ready to retort, but she shot me a glare. Or rather, a pleading look. Her brows had wrinkled into low arches, and her wide eyes held no glimmer of hope. Looking away, I murmured, "Okay."

She sighed and apologized, "Sorry, Al, but I just... I just can't." Standing up, she gathered some of the empty plates and dirty silverware and began to walk away. "Not when it happened only a few months ago. Believe it or not...I cared a lot."

"It's okay."

She didn't respond. Her cheeks slightly stretched, but her face barely held a smile. Her eyes still held no glimmer of hope. Without a word, she walked away and went into the kitchen, likely to never come back for a while.

We went back to eating. No one brought up the conversation again. Unlike before, the air had grown to be tense and not even the holiday candles seemed to bring us into at least a nonchalant mood. It felt tiring, stressful, and exhausting—not anything like the smell was supposed to bring.

Under her breath, Dani murmured, "Looks like someone's on their period." Immediately, she was hit in the ribs by Luckas. She let out a faint cry and apologized. "God, sorry, sorry—trying to lighten up the mood!"

I felt Phil's eyes on me, as though he was expecting me to say or do something. But I didn't. Not when I had other things on my mind. Not when I was remembering a certain red-headed girl and a certain overly-friendly man. Not when I remembered the day when the good days started to die. Instead, I just ate and stared into the fire. Its flame flickered faintly.

The fire was beginning to die.