Parachute

Prelude: therapy

"... before I knew it everywhere I saw was bright colors. The buildings were all tilted and every reflection I saw of myself in a glass was a dark glob. I think the last straw was when I woke up in an alley, a bunch of flashing red lights, and my mom who I hadn't seen for nearly months-" the girl choked back a sob. "I knew it then that I needed help, and so I got it. And for the first time in months, I feel grateful to be here and share my story." Grace smiled with watery eyes as she looked around the circle.

Charlie smiled at her. "Thank you, Grace, for sharing with us." The whole circle applauded her as she made her way back to her seat. I internally squirmed as I realized I was next. My eyes connected with Charlie and I secretly hope she could read my face.

Please, for the love of god, don't call on me.

Apparently, Charlie was not a mind reader like I thought and called me to stand and share my story.

I'd been dodging this for weeks and I thought I could get out of it this week as well, but from the look in her eyes, I could tell she wasn't giving me a choice.

I got up with an eye roll. "Hi I'm Kylie Simmons and I'm here because.." I swallowed. Was I really about to say this? It really didn't amount to all the others stories shared.

I played with my fingers and looked down as I felt all eyes on me. How the fuck could they come up here and talk about their addictions like they were nothing. Hell, I bet Grace was practically shitting her pants having told us she was an addict.

But her problem was serious. Mine was isn't.

Charlie sat waiting with a patient smile and so did the rest of the group. I felt sweaty, and my hands were getting clammy from twiddling them so much. I couldn't take looking at Charlie anymore and directed my attention to the wall on the far back.

"You know what, I don't think my problems are as serious as I think. The next person can just go."

"Kylie," Charlie began. "Everyone here is here for a reason, whether it's a big or small, it was enough to want to come here and talk about it. If it wasn't serious to you, your legs wouldn't have led you here today."

She was right. I knew what my problem was and I came here hoping to get at least some answer on how to solve it. But.. it didn't make it any less scary to admit it.

"Yeah, but I doubt it's gonna top the last act. There's no way my story is gonna be as great as the girl who got her kicks off on acid." My arm motioned towards Grace across from me.

"Kylie." Charlie didn't call my name out in a reprimanding tone, but a tone that told me I shouldn't make light of someone else's troubles. 

"I understand this is hard for you, but acknowledging what is wrong is the first step, and then being able to come here and want to share it with us is an even bigger one. Whether or not you feel better after sharing is up to you, but I guarantee airing it out may lead you in the right direction." Everyone in the circle nodded and looked like they were drunk on her words. 

She was right again, and for some odd reason, I felt tears spring to my eyes. The nervousness that sat in my stomach began to stand. I felt my legs wobble and I didn't know how long I was going keep standing before I felt like I was going to pass out so I blurted it out on shaking lips. 

Alright, I can do this, I chanted in my head.

"My name is Kylie and I-" I took a deep breath. I locked eyes with Charlie and then glanced around the circle. 

"My name is Kylie Robin, and I hate being black."

**