All Over Again • a Lexa/You Fanfiction

twenty-four » again

It was when the fire was at it's lowest when Lexa appeared beside me. She didn't say anything, only stood beside me, watching the wood glow orange. Her presence eased my guilt for a moment and I didn't bother trying to fight against the feeling she gave me.

I hadn't had a proper conversation with Lexa since the turn of events that had occurred, so I had no idea what she was thinking. But she was still there for me. With Deka. With everything. She was patient and understanding and I didn't feel all that much in pain when I was with her. I didn't deserve that ease, did I?

"I miss her," I finally spoke.

Lexa looked towards me and I met her halfway, feeling the tears build up in my eyes.

"I miss her, Lexa," I repeated, frowning as I looked at the burned out fire. "I want her back."

Lexa put her arm around me and I leaned into her side, sniffling quietly.

"I know you do," she said, empathetically. "It's hard to watch someone you love leave you so suddenly..." I figured that she was probably thinking back to Costia. "It takes time to get used to it. To understand life without them here. But you do get through it... I promise, you get through it."

She rubbed my arm up and down, making me relax into her side. I didn't have anything else to say and neither did she. And that was okay.

***

That same evening, a group of Sky People decided to throw a small party to celebrate their success and win. That small party turned into a large celebration, causing most to join in with the festivities and excitement. At the end of the day, families had been reunited and protected, so it was understandable. But it didn't mean I wanted to join in, too...

I was sat on a hill, in the forest, a fair distance away from Arkadia. I couldn't sit there celebrating when Deka was no longer here. It didn't feel right. In fact, it made me feel sick, hence me leaving. I preferred to get lost in my own thoughts and revel in the dark.

The stars were out tonight. I wondered if Deka was up there, shining down on us all. Maybe she had finally met my parents and my other best friends. They could have all been shining down on me right now, waiting for me to come up and join them...

I sighed heavily and looked down. I was making myself feel worse all over again. And Lexa wasn't here to reassure me, so I would surely break down in no time.

I missed Lexa. She'd been circulating my brain for the past few days now. I had so many mixed emotions for the commander, but I had come to learn that it was love. I loved her. It made sense to say that, even if it was only in my head. But it wasn't fair that I felt something as strong as love and only remembered half of our life spent together. It wasn't fair on me or her.

My head began to ache as I thought about the green-eyed girl and I stood up, hoping to stop myself from falling into another painful memory. I wasn't in the mood tonight. Not after everything that had happened. But I couldn't seem to stop it...

I was on the roof of the tower in Polis... I looked around and saw Lexa stood beside me. We were both admiring the view of Polis. It wasn't too late at night which was why it looked so busy and full of life, but when it got later, this would soon die down – I knew from experience.

"Why are we up here?" she asked curiously.

I walked forward and took a seat, about a metre away from the edge of the tower. I noticed the bench wasn't up here this time... Lexa joined me, taking a seat beside me, but unlike myself who was enjoying the view ahead, she was watching me with an intrigued gaze.