Revolting Rose

Chapter 22/Part 3 - Food Fight

Peppy as the sock-gatherers had been at first, it was not hard to see their exhaustion from gallivanting about all night like mad carrots. The horde simply could not move the baskets laden with laundry fast enough on foot, so Franz took a detour. The upward climb and a few wrong turns took what was left of his breath, so he hoped his decision would pay off.

He had not forgotten the gift his father had mentioned that should be waiting for him in the stables. A unicorn stallion, strong and fleet-footed, was just what they needed. Franz found him in the deepest stall, reared up on its hind legs with his nose pressed to a window.

"Excuse me," Franz coughed politely, unsure how one should address such a creature.

The unicorn dropped down and trotted over, very carefully dodging the small cakes that littered the floor. "Aye, laddie? What's all the fuss aboot, neigh?" How horrifying, he sounded just like a goblin.

"It's going to sound a bit silly—"

"Ye are speakin' tae a beast what plops oot wee cakes, perfectly baked, and ye think yer the one what's got silly stories, neigh?"

The stallion's head drooped over the stall door, and Franz was sure he would have narrowed his eyes if he could. Unfortunately, it came as little surprise when he realised the unicorn had buttons for peepers on a very woolly body. No wonder he felt the need to say neigh.

"Well," Franz started, but he had a terrible feeling that he was speaking to two goblins in a terrible costume. A quick scan for fastenings showed no clear points of entry, but he could not see the back end very well. "There's a fire, and we need to get baskets of damp laundry to the flaming trees to put them out. Do you think you could help?"

The unicorn sagged slightly. "Do ye think I'm too majestic fer a bit o' hard work, laddie, is that it, neigh?"

"Majestic isn't the word I would use," Franz muttered under his breath.

"Let me oot ay this-here stable and I'll show ye!"

Franz lifted the latch and waited to see what the rest of the creature looked like. It was portly and woolly all over, with a back end lumpy enough to have a goblin in it. He sighed.

"Yer a tad too interested in me flanks, laddie. Makes an 'orse uncomfortable, neigh. Just get yersel' on me back and tell me where that stubborn laundry is."

At least he was not a tall creature so Franz had no difficulty getting a leg over him, and the unicorn was as comfortable as Vrye's old armchairs.

"You're well stuffed," Franz said as the unicorn waddled out of the stables.

"Alphonse does nay skimp on the stuffin', neigh."

Al-bloody-phonse. Ruiner of Magical Beasts.

"The socks are in the marketplace, do you know the way?" Franz asked.

"I'll figure it oot." The unicorn broke into a high-speed wobble, then jumped off the shelf bearing the stables.

Franz screamed all the way down.

They landed with a bounce.

Then the darned thing did it again.

And again.

All the way down to the markets.

"Couldn't you have walked like a normal horse?"

"Why would I dae that when I can fly, laddie? I'm a unicorn, neigh."

Once he had wobbled back onto his woollen legs, the creature bobbed along to where a gathering of goblins were loading socks into the baskets. Franz slid down to the ground, but the poor excuse for flight had left him as shaky-legged as the daft creature he had dropped in on.