Failure

Prologue

The only thing that gave her a sense of self-worth was her academic life.

Aanu didn't think she was pretty. She always wondered how people could look at her and keep a straight face, or how a stranger would want to have a conversation with her.

(Considering yourself unattractive is considering God unattractive. It is a sin. You were made in his image. You are a reflection of God. You are his creation. You are perfection. )

The truth was that she was shallow. She wanted people to like her for her personality, because she felt that it made up for what she lacked in looks, but she surrounded herself with aesthetically-pleasing people only. She stayed away from those she considered less atttactive than she was.

Comparison was how she got her self-love.

"Atleast I have a better hairline."

"My nose might be big but I have nice lips."

"I have beautiful eyes, and she's cross-eyed."

"She is rich and pretty, but I am smart."

"She has a boyfriend but they won't be successful like I will."

Aanu even had a theory. She called it the RIB theory. Her theory was that a human being couldn't have all three desirable qualities. This means that one cannot be Rich, Intelligent, and Beautiful at the same time.

Because she hadn't seen much of the world, she actually believed it. At the most she had only seen people who had two at a time.

▪If you were rich and beautiful, you would be dumb.

▪If you were intelligent and beautiful, you would be poor.

▪If you were rich and intelligent, you would be ugly.

She felt it was God's way of balancing the world. Aanu thought she only had one quality, Intelligence, but even that was mediocre.

(You can never truly reach your potential without God.)

AanuOluwa was an A-student but she never had 90's or 100's. All she achieved was 80's. Before her failure, those 80's made her feel a little better about herself. Whenever people mentioned how smart she was, it gave her a sense of pride.

(Pride, the first sin ever committed in the bible, is deadly.)

Her parents often told her the story of a prophet, who had declared upon touching her pregnant mother, that the child she was carrying (Aanu) would be blessed with wisdom from God. It was a divine gift, the prophet said.

Aanu felt that divine gifts were never taken back and that the wisdom would be hers for eternity. Eventually she stopped praying before her tests because as long as she crammed a couple of things, she would pass.

Being an A-student gave her entrance into one of the best universities on the continent. When she met people from diverse roots, she realised that her RIB theory was wrong. There were people who possessed all three qualities and this only drew her deeper into the well of hatred.

She hated herself and everything about her life. Her looks, her family.

In her heart, she blamed God.