My inner thoughts

Useless

For the last month I've been thinking about myself and if I really want to exist anymore. The thought of death is a pleasing thing in my conscious mind and as much as I want it, it also frightens me aswell.

There was someone who was my anchor, who made me feel like I was worth something and that life was worh living. But as I was suffering they were suffering aswell, but I was too oblivious and selfish to notice... Thats what hurt the most.... That while I needed saving they did too and I did NOTHING the help.

I no longer have that anchor, that person who helped me through everything and now I feel helpless... I cry every day just at the thought of you and even the mention of your name... I wish I could say something to you but I am afraid... I don't know what to do anymore. You were my life and now I feel so alone, like I have no purpose to live anymore. I'm just stuck with my thoughts and most of them tell me that I should just die. Give up on life, no one cares anymore, and sadly I'm succumbing to those thoughts... They get gorse every day like the kisses of my razor do on my skin.

Cherry red lines fourm, leaving drips of sticky redness behind it. It's the only way I feel anything besides sadness these days and even now that seems to not work. My food had no taste, heck I don't even really eat anymore but that's fine because I'm "too fat" anyways. The want to wear makeup is gone and sits untouched in its case, probably to never be used again. I'm "too ugly to wear makeup and nice clothes" so what's the point in trying anymore.

I give up.

I'm uselessness.

I'm nothing.

I couldn't even help the one person who meant everything to me so why should I be alive anymore?

I wouldn't be missed anyways.....