Scattered Sanity (Sanvers)

A Lover's Tale.

Maggie sat at her dinner table, mindlessly gazing at the bottle of beer that her fingers were loosely curled around. The same scenes kept playing over and over again in her head. Finding Ashton with Alex, then knocking Ashton out and feeling the sting in her fist, then seeing Alex's terrified expression, her whole body shuddering. How she was able to lessen the prominence of her fears, and the moment when Alex requested to hear the story of their first meeting. Maggie had internally marveled at how was still capable of making Alex happy, despite all the limiting circumstances.

The brunette took swigs of alcohol if the replaying memories ever provoked her nerves too much, but she could barely taste the liquid as she was lost in her own mind. She was trying to make sense of the catastrophes around her, although she didn't have a clue where to begin or which connections to establish. It was overwhelming. All she knew for sure was that she was still madly in love with Alex Danvers, and Alex had no memory of who she was or their romance. Both of those conclusions pressed on Maggie's heart like a heavy weight, crushing her lungs and stealing her air, because just like oxygen, Maggie needed Alex to live. There wasn't a possible scenario in Maggie's mind where Alex wasn't a part of her life.

A knock on the door dissipated her thoughts, and she cocked an eyebrow suspiciously, walking to the door with cautious steps. She twisted the knob and pulled inwards to reveal the very woman that ruled over her thoughts: Alex Danvers.

"Hey, Maggie." Alex greeted while fiddling with her hands, the edge of her mouth twitching up slightly. "If it's not too much trouble, would it be okay if we talked? There've just been so many unanswered questions in my head lately, and I think you can help me."

A chill coursed through Maggie's body, leaving her uncomfortably frigid. Even so, she ushered Alex in, saying "I don't know if I'll be of too much use to you, but I guess I can try." Maggie gestured for Alex to sit at the bar, and she reached into the fridge to grab a beer for the redhead. After passing her the drink, Maggie also took a seat, gazing at Alex intently. "So what's been bothering you?"

Alex sighed. "Could you tell me the truth about our past? You seem so familiar, but I can never place you in my mind. I know you've told me that we were in a relationship before, and I want to hear about all of it. It's like there's a piece missing in the puzzle of my life." She said earnestly, gesticulating excessively with her arms.

"I have that puzzle piece." Maggie confirmed immediately. "But since you don't, I'm basically painting the picture of your life while you sit back and watch. Do you trust me to tell the whole truth, the good and the bad, to shape the way you'll see the world from now on?"

Alex pinched her lip between her teeth for a moment. Afterwards, she locked her eyes with Maggie's. "I do trust you."

"It may be too intense for you. This story is full of dirty, raw emotions. I don't want it to have a drastic effect on who you are as a person, or, even worse, cause you more stress." Maggie warned.

"I have to know." Alex firmly repeated her intention.

Maggie saw her reflection in Alex's hazel eyes, and she became lost in the irises of this incredible woman. She could see all of the pain that Alex had struggled through, along with the faintest hint of a light, the one that had so regrettably shone for Ashton, but was glowing here and now. It took a great deal of effort for Maggie to wrench herself out of Alex's eyes. The time had come to dive into the past that ridiculed her daily. It was time to let the truth run free once and for all.

"I've already told you the story of how we met. Later that week, I called you up with a discovery of a dead alien, and proposed that you meet me so we could examine him. We gathered the evidence that was visible on the body, consequently confusing the hell out of your sister, and went on our way.

"Then, our first fight as a duo, in which we engaged a suspicious alien. Unfortunately, we were both subdued by people that hauled our alien into their van and drove off. We had been doing pretty well prior to that, actually.

"I got a tip on the case, and invited you to investigate with me. We wore dresses - ew, right? - to what turned out to be an alien fight club. You looked beautiful in your blue dress, firing your gun at hostiles.

"Anyways, enough with the boring stuff. I know what you want to hear. My girlfriend broke up with me, and you, being the good friend that you were, comforted me at the dive bar. You did help to elevate my mood, but I obviously wasn't better right away, and you noticed that while we were at another crime scene. You were so kind, offering to hang out with me so I didn't feel as alone, but to me, something was off. I mentioned, rather distastefully, that I didn't know you liked girls, and your face instantly fell. You insisted that you weren't gay, then walked off rather quickly, so I left the topic alone.

"However, at the dive bar a short while after that conversation, you told me that what I had said was in fact true. You had never been able to figure out why you disliked intimacy so fervently, because you never stopped to consider your sexuality as a possible factor. Finally, this made sense for you, and I was so happy to see you finding yourself.

"This is when the real story begins. During the day, you had made the courageous move to tell Kara that you were gay. You told me the good news at the dive bar, and I gave you a big hug, then turned to order drinks for us, asking you what you wanted. But you caught my arm, tugged me back, cupped my face in your hands and kissed me. To be honest, I had guessed your feelings before the kiss, but nonetheless, I was still surprised. So I made the worst mistake of my life and rejected you, scared that I would be holding you back from the rest of the world. I wanted you to live your life by your own rules, and I didn't want to be stifling your growth as a person. You ran off in tears, which made my heart crack in half as I watched your silhouette recede into the shadows.

"It wasn't long after that when you told me that trying to be my friend was too much to bear, as I didn't reciprocate your feelings. I was devastated. Mainly because I caused you pain but also because I believed I had just lost a remarkable friend. So I collected my bravery and came to see you, where I confessed that I couldn't see my life without you in it. I needed you. We came to a platonic agreement, but my heart was still in turmoil. Something was wrong. And I knew what it was, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.

"On the day that changed our lives, I ordered a pizza and brought it to your apartment. You looked adorable in your pajamas with your bangs clipped back off your forehead. While my heart was thumping loudly, I told you what was on my mind. That I had been stupid, and that we should be who we are, and we should kiss the girls we want to kiss. So, I kissed you, and fireworks exploded, showering my life with color and love.

"We grew closer every day. We laughed, cried, exchanged secrets, and loved together. You were the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to tell you that I loved you, but before I had the chance, you were taken. And all of the sweet memories we created were erased from your mind. As a couple, we vanished. Since then, nothing has been the same." Maggie took a drawn-out breath at the story's conclusion.

Alex was thoughtfully quiet, although her eyes glistened with tears. With a raspy, small voice, Alex spoke. "Maggie, do you still love me?"

Maggie smiled. "I've never stopped. There isn't anyone like you in the world, Alex." She gently rested her hand on top of the redhead's. "And if you ever need me, I'll be right here. No matter what."

Alex look at their hands, then back at Maggie with a grin, a solitary tear on her cheek.

And in Alex's hazel eyes, Maggie saw it, bright and illuminated.

The light.