Chasing Isla ✔

Chapter 10

"Dads staring at you" Thomas whispers. "He's about to scold"

"Emma, you come here to work not to stare into space" Hank calls. I ignore him, resulting in him marching towards me. "Emma" he repeats from in front of me. "Do you need to go to sickbay?" He questions in a hushed tone as I look down at my fingertips, ignoring him "answer me"

"No" I struggle to say "I don't"

"Than what's going on?" he whispers.

"Its the first of October-" I attempt to explain.

"I know what the date is," he interrupts, his voice low.

"Than you'll be a little sympathetic" I glare at him with a clenched jaw.

His unsympathetic eyes narrow. God, he's heartless.

"I will be no such thing" Hank whispers "you inhabit this life...you hear me...no other matters" with that he leaves my sight.

"Get your shit together," Thomas retorts at me Willow and Laura take a seat beside me.

"Hey, you okay?" Laura glances over at me.

"Fine" I struggle to fake a smile.

***

"What the hell was that?" Hank cries from the driver's seat.

"I will not apologize!" I cry at the top of my lungs as he drives down the street.

"No, you will if we get relocated again! Don't you understand that if you two fuck up once more we will be separated!" He screams at the top of his lungs.

"We were relocated because Ned was getting close-" Thomas corrects as sitting beside me.

"It's been two years!" I yell "two years without seeing her!"

"You chose not to bring her! That was your sacrifice!" Hank tells me.

"Because I didn't want her running! I made a selfless decision-" I start.

That I regret tremendously.

"You can't break every time it's her birthday" Thomas sighs. "She's going to have a lot more birthdays"

"Birthdays that I'm not going to be around for" I glare at Thomas who sits beside me.

I messed up. I made the wrong decision, and now I want them both back.

"Your choice!" Hank screams "not mine! Not Thomas's!" He says his sons real name for the first time in two years.

Thomas's eyes widen at his father's words in disbelief. He said his name.

I recover fast.

"I should have never been put in the situation where I was forced to make that choice!" I yell at him.

"We all left people behind" Hank yells.

"I was the only one who left behind children!" I clench my fists.

It's like screaming at a wall. He's not listening to me.

"Your choice!" Hank repeats in anger.

"You did this! This is your fault!" I snap.

"Not this again" Thomas rolls his eyes at me.

It is his fault. All. His. fault. Not mine. Not Thomas's. Certainly not Liam's.

"What you want me to apologize-" Hanks keeps his voice at a high level.

"You took them away from me! You were a dirty cop who got in deep with those people who took them away from me!" I exclaim in anger.

Nothing that I'm saying is a lie. Hank needs to accept the truth, that he's responsible for all this. He's the reason why Liam is dead and the reason why I can't see my brother or daughter.

"I have to live with that every day Isla! I don't need you in my ear reminding me!" He yells even louder.

I'm not shaken up by his words, despite the fact that he hasn't said my real name in years. Thomas on the other hand looks completely terrified. 

"Than how about you quit trying to make me apologize for being emotional on my daughters birthday and take responsibility for your own actions!" I scream at him.

"You being emotional is enough for us to be relocated" Hank tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

"You're a heartless piece of shit!" I snap.

I'm allowed to be emotional and angry. He's the one who needs to feel like shit right now, not me. He's responsible for all this, not us. It's about time he realizes that.

"Watch your mouth!" Hank orders.

"You can't have another episode," Thomas tells me in a hushed tone.

"Ummm excuse me? Episode?" I furrowed my brows in the offence.

"You know what I mean" he rolls his eyes "it doesn't take much for us to be relocated....dads paranoid and Johnathan is overprotective"

I look down and sigh as tears run down my cheeks.

"It has been two years since I've held her" I glance down at my fingertips. "Two years....and another birthday I've missed"

"She has Brandon. He will always be there for her, Isla" Thomas tells me, pulling his arm over my shoulder, leaning my head into his chest, "he'll be there telling her stories about her parents"

"Its not the same" I sniff with tears running down my cheeks.

Hearing about someone else's memories isn't the same as being there and living them yourself. There are only so many stories that can be told and that won't change the fact that my kid is going to grow up thinking that I'm dead.

"Sometimes you need to make sacrifices for the ones you love," Hank adds, "but don't chu forget that it was your decision to leave her behind"

"This is hard on all of us Isla," Thomas tells me.

"I made a mistake" I sniff. "I should have never left them behind"

"No, you didn't...it wasn't a mistake. Right now, If you had a shot for every bad decision that you have made, you'd be dead sober" Thomas attempts to comfort.

"I want my baby back" I sob, resting my head on his chest.

"I know you do" he strokes my hair. "But you know for her safety you can't"

I find comfort in Thomas' embrace, as the three of us sit the rest of the car ride in silence.