COMPLETED // Alone Together // (Emison Story)

Ch.12 Dear Old Ali

This chapter is very important in terms of Alison's real feelings and how she deals with pain. It's more of a serious chapter and details the pain and confusion she is going through. Enjoy.

Perfect: The word perfect is defined as having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

Alisons Pov
Dear diary, 

All my life I've strived to be perfect. I've strived to have the perfect hair, the perfect look, the perfect reputation, any pleasurable quality imaginable, I've strived to achieve it through perfection. Lately I've been feeling less and less perfect in all aspects of myself. I reign over Rosewood like royalty, but on Monday, this could all potentially change. Everything that I've grown used to seems to be crumbling before my eyes. Everything I've worked for. Emily's mom hates me..My mom hates me, and someway or another, everyone in school is gonna find out about me, and I'm not sure what they're going to think. They'll probably think that I'm confused. I'm sure they will ask all kinds of questions...Am I gay, am I straight, bisexual maybe? I don't even know how to answer any of those. Because...I don't even know what I am, or who I am...For the first time in my life I truly feel...

Lost. 

No matter what happens on Monday, I have just got to remember that..

"This is me. This imperfect person that you see. There is no one else I would rather be. I want to know. What's it like to be free? If only you knew what it was like to be the old me. Day by day, running, hiding, lying. Running away from my fears. Hiding all of my tears. Lies, I don't wanna hear. Why do you expect so much from me? Why did you build me into someone I could never be? Everyone else has flaws, so why can't I? I just want to live realistically. I'm trying to survive. I'll do my best to thrive. Can't you see? I'm just trying to find the real me. No matter what you say, and no matter what you do, there is no way I'll become a fake me just to please you. So the point is these flaws that you hate to see, are part of this perfectly imperfect me." Sincerely, Alison D.

Alison lets the tears stream down her cheeks like tiny waterfalls, staining the pages and smearing the ink on the paper before locking her diary and placing it in its secret spot. She walks over to her curtains and drawls them open staring outside of the dark window remembering what happened not even 20 minutes before at Emily's house. Emily's mom's face was plastered into Ali's brain. The rage, the remorse, the disgust was clear as day. Alison had never seen Mrs.Fields so upset as long as she has known Emily. Alison could see her reflection faintly staring back at her and she barely recognized herself. What Ali did next would suprise even herself. She walked over to her pill box and opened it carefully. She pulled out a little blue pill with a random design engraved into it. She never thought she would take it unless she was going out to a huge party or the club or something. Ian had given it to her a few months ago and she forgot that she had it. Until now. She didn't want to be present in this moment.

She grabbed her water bottle and took the pill straight back. She walked back over to the window, stared at her reflection and scoffed as she began to sing softly.

"What ever happened to you
And all of the things that you knew
Before you were twerking and dropping it low in the club
Doing too much
Now that you're rolling with molly
You've become the life of the party
Such a rebel in this cold cold world.." 

Alison traced the reflection of her face with her finger on the glass.

"Just throw away your disguise, because under the truth
There's much more than this ratchet life
Won't last till the morning light
You're still putting up a fight
What do you have to prove?
I just miss the old you
The incredible you
Glorious you
Unforgettable you
Irresistible you.." 

Alison sung angelically cracking a bleak smile. She truly had a beautiful singing voice and it was a pity she never desired to express it. Just as Alison was about to shy away from herself in the mirror, her mom bursts into the room like a bat out of hell.

"Where are you!?" Jessica raged.

"I'm in here, duh." Alison stated matter of factly.

"You just love to embarrass me don't you? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU ALISON?" Jessica exploded.

"What? Please, just leave me alone.." Alison said shooing her mother off. 

Jessica stepped closer to Alison and waved her finger in her face backing her into a corner. "Pam told me what you two were doing when she came home! Alison, do you know how much I have to defend you in this town already? Do you know what people say about you? DO YOU?! ANSWER ME DAMMIT!" Jessica's voice boomed as she yelled, Alison trying to maintain her composure and poise while the pill she previously took was setting in. 

"I don't care what they think..And since when do you? Do you know what people say about you? And Peter Hastings? I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree." Alison challenged, shrugging her shoulders.

"Can you please leave? I don't want to talk about this, not now and not with you." Alison hissed waving her hand in her mothers face. Jessica reached out and bent Alison's fingers backwards almost breaking them in half. Alison snatched her hand away quickly in shock.

"Oh my God! You almost took off my freaking fingers!" Alison groaned in pain.

"You think this is funny? That stunt you pulled, taking advantage of Emily, like that is some sort of sick-

"You seriously almost took off my limbs.." Alison muttered.

"Is that what you two do when your'e not braiding each others hair? Figure out ways to ruin me?" Jessica snapped.

"Why are you having a full on hemorrhage?" Alison questioned with daring eyes.

"Do not speak to me that way Alison." Jessica demanded. "I hope you enjoyed it. Because it will be the last game you two will be playing together. That friendship is toxic." 

"Yeah..well so are a lot of things." Alison mumbled looking away.

"I swear I don't know where this lesbianism came from but it definitely does not come from my side of the family. I blame your father. They do that kind of stuff over there." Jessica scoffed.

"You sound like an idiot. Why are you acting like such a bitc---"

*SMACK!* 

Alison is taken back by the force of Jessica's hand across her face. Alison cups her face in shock and her mouth hangs to the floor. 

"That girl is no longer welcome in this house." Jessica scolds before walking out of Ali's room.

Alison locks her door and turns off her room light. She cranks up some music to a high volume. She sits on the floor and leans against her bed letting the effects of the pill take flight within her bloodstream. The music intertwining somewhere between her ear canals and tastebuds, she could feel tingles all over. She started to feel good. Like really good. Her mind was transported out of her body as she lost herself inside herself. She giggles and dances on the floor but she can hardly contain herself, she needs to stand up and groove. Alison was becoming one with the emptiness, feeling boundless between space and time. Anything was becoming everything, falling deep into flow. She danced for what seemed like an eternity, until she started to come down. This euphoric state was then replaced with an endless void of sorrow and remorse. She reminisced of sweet Emily and the hell she used to put her through. All her memories played like a horror movie or a vivid recurring nightmare.

but there was one memory that stood out in particular for Alison..