Homecoming (Lesbian)

CHAPTER 14

"Do you regret it?" she asks, leaning back against her large leather chair.

I snort trying to concentrate. She won't stop looking at me and it makes me nervous. "A part of me does. The first few weeks, I dreamed of going back in time and not telling my dad I'd replace Connor... but that's not the way life works, is it?"

"No, it's not."

Talking about this is bringing back memories; bad memories. Things I can't quite leave behind. I want to but they won't go away. I rub my face with my hands and try to speak again. But nothing comes out.

"Riley? Don't lose your train of thought again. Stay here."

"I'm not. I can... I know."

"So, how did your father take the idea?"

"At the beginning, he thought I was kidding. Then he said a woman couldn't serve in combat. I answered women have being involved in wars since always. Turns our women are allowed in Combat position since 2016. I did my homework."

"Which is what he wanted. He wanted a child of his to fight."

"I guess."

"Why do you think that is?"

I shrug, "I'm not sure. I think maybe... it has something to do with actively doing all the things he relates the army to. Fighting for our rights and our freedom. Or maybe it's because Uncle Ron died while fighting and all the men before him served in combat. He was Special Forces."

"I see. What about your mother. How did she take it?"

"After my dad had agreed, we called family meeting. My mom cried and Connor was... shocked. But we didn't really discuss it. The only thing my mom did was stand up, walk up to my father and slap him. Then we didn't talk about it again. Whenever Connor tried to thank me, I stopped him. I was angry at him. It was stupid but I thought it was unfair somehow, that if he would've been braver none of this would've happened. It wasn't a rational feeling. I just needed someone to blame."

"Do you still blame your brother?"

"No. Like I said, it was stupid. There is really no one to blame here. Not even my dad. Even he was a victim of his circumstances."

"Have you forgiven your father for forcing your brother to go; for forcing you?"

"I'm not sure."

She sighs which can only mean one thing. "What about Faye? How did she take it?"

I lick my lips and reply "You know how she took it."

"No, I know what little I spoke with her. She didn't really open up to me. But you were her partner, she opened up to you."

I look down and breathe, I force myself to bring back those memories.

She laughed, she thought it was a joke. A bad one, but she still laughed.

I stayed quiet while the silence in the shed fought with her denial. I sat down next to her on the bed that had once being mine, and tried to reach out for her hand. It was like that action made something inside of her click. If it was a joke, why wasn't I laughing? Why was I trying to grab her hand instead?

"What are you doing, Riley?" she said with the disbelief of someone who wakes up from a dream to a reality they don't recognize.

"My dad wouldn't leave Connor alone, so I offered to replace him. He agreed."

"No... no, you didn't." she said standing up "We found a place, remember? This small two bedroom apartment downtown. We're going to buy the furniture next week."