The Artist | #3✓

Chapter 15

"I..." I trailed, sighing a bit as I started to get frustrated with my lack of conversational skills. I knew what I felt, but I didn't know how to put those words into words properly.

"When my motivation to paint or do anything regarding art was dying, you were the only one that noticed," I started, trying not to look at him his eyes, so that I could concentrate on what I was saying. "You revived that part of me, and in the process, I got to know you as a wonderful kind person..." I trailed, turning over to look at him. He seemed like was lost in his thoughts, so I went on to continue talking.

"You mean a lot to me, and every day I have a new reason to love you more than I already do. I love everything about you — everything from the way you laugh to your genuine smiles," I continued, the classical instrumental music creating a background that I wasn't sure if it was comforting or haunting. "Of course, I want to kiss you and other things, but your attractiveness isn't the basis for how I feel..."

"Have you kissed anyone before?" Toby asked, cutting me off. His question made me blink in surprise. I looked over at him, noticing he had an odd look of concentration on his face.

"No..." I trailed, feeling my face warm up even more. It was something I'd thought about before — kissing him, but I suddenly felt self-conscious under Toby's look.

"Have you thought about kissing someone?" he asked, making me nod.

"Yes — you," I answered watching as a small smile formed on Toby's face. I wasn't sure what that smile meant. He had so many smiles, and it was getting hard to keep up with which one meant what.

"How does that make you feel?" he asked, making my face warm up even more — it might as well catch fire. I was starting to feel like I had a fever. Why was Toby asking me all these odd questions —and why was I still answering them?

"Excited, and a little guilty," I answered, deciding to be honest with him. He frowned a bit, probably wondering what I meant by guilty. "You know... You don't like me the same way, so I feel a bit like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to — it feels great, but it feels like I was doing something wrong."

"Didn't you hear me yesterday?" he asked, making me frown a bit in confusion. "I told you I loved you, and I meant that."

"Oh." My heart was racing. I'd heard him, but I'd thought he might have just said it in the heat of the moment. I soon found myself covering my face with my palms, and I took my hands away from my face after a minute or so, before looking straight at Toby. His brown eyes were piercing mine with their stare, and it made me a bit uncomfortable and a bit excited at the same time.

"I love you so much. That's why I was trying to protect you from me in a way..." he trailed. Toby leaned in a bit, taking a hold of my cheeks with his hands before he continued talking. "But I've been thinking so much lately — maybe overthinking things..." he added, smiling a bit at me.

"You've seen me break down, you've heard what I've done... Are you in love with that too? Is that part of the Toby you're in love with?" he asked. I nodded, and his eyes seemed to widen like he was surprised.

"Are you — are you sure?" he asked, and I nodded again. He then let go of my face, biting his bottom lip as he observed me.

"I'll drive home, you can use the LRT and go home from there," he said before turning to face the steering wheel. He then drove his car out of the parking lot, and out into the open street. The atmosphere in the car was tense, and the music playing in the background didn't ease matters even though it was a calm melodic piece that was playing at the moment.

Toby eventually pulled into the parking lot of the apartment complex he lived in. He then turned the engine off, and we just sat in his car doing nothing.

"You should be going," he eventually said to me. I shrugged, looking out of the window before looking over at him.

"You confuse me sometimes," he said, making me smile a bit as I looked away from his eyes. "Why are you still sitting here?"

"Can I have a kiss?" I suddenly asked as I looked up at him. Toby's eyes widened a bit in shock, and I noticed his cheeks has gotten a bit of color too. When he didn't say anything, I was starting to get worried that I might have read the atmosphere the wrong way, and was just about to apologize when he spoke up.

"Of course," he muttered, reaching out to take my face in his hands before pressing his lips against mine. He then made to pull away, but I reached out to pull him back. The kiss had been like a ghost, and I didn't want that — I wanted to feel and remember it. Toby chuckled a bit, and I soon felt his hands on my face again, steadying me. I didn't know what I was doing, but what did know was that I wanted to feel Toby — feel the movement of his lips and tongue against mine, so I followed his movements.

"Oh my God," Toby sighed into the kiss when I let out a low series of moans. It was a bit embarrassing at first, but the increased urge in which Toby used to kiss me told me that he might be enjoying it, and the low throaty moans he was making himself were making my heart and mind turn to mush. We kissed for a bit more before we broke the kiss and just stared at each other.

"God," Toby sighed with a small laugh as he rubbed my cheek with the base of his thumb. I wasn't sure if his laugh was a good or bad thing, so I just stared at him. "I thought you said you haven't kissed anyone?"

"I haven't," I spoke up, my words coming out slowly since I was being distracted by watching his lips — I wanted to kiss him again. Toby laughed, letting go of my face. After a while of just sitting down and staring into space, I picked up my bag and left his car. He waved me off until I disappeared from his view, and I couldn't stop feeling my lips with my fingertips as my heart beat against my rib cage.

I'd kissed Toby.