Worth Fighting For

Chapter 5: The Worst

"Ughhhh." I groaned again, but much louder than before. This was worse than menstrual cramps.

"Let me see what's wrong." Deanna forcefully lift my tank top up, revealing my plump stomach.

"Ouuuuuuu. I'm gonna stab that bitch in his dick. Get up and get dressed. I'm taking you to the hospital."

Her urgency alarmed me, I looked down and was shocked by the view. A bruise that was black, blue, with a splash of red and nearly half the size of my stomach, was evidence of last nights events.

Not once had I taken the time to observe my body, but now that I did, I was baffled.

This is the certainly the worst mark he's left on me.

While I softly wept, I sluggishly followed Deanna's instruction.

At the hospital

"Ms. Love can you tell me exactly what happened?" Doctor Miles questioned as she jotted down notes concerning my physical appearance.

I had already made her aware of the internal pain I was experiencing and I could tell she wasn't convinced because she kept questioning my story.

"It was just a simple fall. Nothing major."

Deanna huffed and the doctor gave me a skeptical look.

"Mm, Ms. Love did you know that you were almost 2 months pregnant?" Deanna and I looked at one another like what the hell.

"Uh, No. I didn't know that." My mind clustered, trying to remember the last time I had my period.

"I hate that this is how this information has to be relayed to you but, Ms. Love,you were 6 weeks  pregnant. Unfortunately, due to the severe trauma that the baby experienced, he or she didn't survive. I am deeply sorry for you lost. If you would like to seek couns-"

Her words became mute to me. I could no longer hear her counsel advice because the feeling of my soul leaving my body took over my whole being.

Deanna came from the seat that rested beside the bed and embraced me.
"Can you give us a minute please?" The doctor nodded leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

"Kali, I'm not gonna say it's okay because it's not. But I promise you that in due time it'll all get better best friend."

"I can't believe that it'll get better Dee. It just-it just hurts so so bad. It hurts soooo bad. Th-this is the third time. Am I not good enough to have a child." My Head rested on her breast as my heart felt like it was literally breaking.

"No best friend, its not that. Its just not your time yet. When your time comes it'll all work in your favor. Most importantly, you will share that moment with a man who's worthy of sharing that blessing with you."
Her hand caressed my arm, soothing me.

Why me God?

Flashback
1 year ago

A month ago I found out I was 2 months pregnant, since then, I have been sooo excited and can't wait to be a mommy.

David, on the other hand claims that its too soon to have a kid. I think it's just cold feet. I'm pretty sure he'll adjust over time.

It was around 2am when I was awoken by an agonizing discomfort. "Ouu damn! Baby wake up!" I roughly tapped him, "I think something is wrong with the baby! David! wake up!"
I shook his arm and he groaned in annoyance.

"What Kalifornia?"

"Babe I think something is happening with the baby"

" Cn you wait until the morning to check that out? I'm sure it's nothing, probably contractions or something." He yawned, intending to turn over and go back to sleep,

I punched him in the chest. "Nigga get the hell up and take me to the hospital before I cut your stank ass feet off."

"Ughhh. Ought damn." He childishly kicked his feet.

At the hospital

"Ms. Love due to your high stress levels and blood pressure, the baby wasn't properly developing. The first trimester is always the toughest so the chances of survival were slim to none. I'm sorry for your lost. "

I looked at Dave who had an unreadable facial expression.
"I don't know what to tell you babe. Maybe it wasn't meant to be." he shrugged his shoulders, leaning back in the chair.

I stared at him intently, depending  on my obvious heart break to draw his full attention to me. I looked in his eyes searching for the man who used to care about every and any emotion I felt.

To my demise, he gave me nothing. Absolutely no emotions.

I crawled up in a fetal position and cried

I just want my baby back.

Flashback over

That was the first time that I lost the only thing that could make me 100% happy. The second time I didn't know I was pregnant, but the miscarriage was caused by the same thing, David and stress.

Dave told me "it's obviously not meant for us to have kids, so let it go."

At the time I thought he was just going through the motion. I believed that the fear of being completely responsible for someone else's life was overwhelming for him. But, as I look back at it I realize that he never loved me enough to give me that joy. Or at least he stopped loving me like he used to.

He just kept me around because I familiar and available to him.

I hate that it has taken me this long  and this much trauma, to come to terms with how he's truly feels about me.

This pain is the worst.

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