Boys Don't Cry

Chapter seventeen

"I don't, there's a few things listed here. Which one don't you want to discuss?"

"John! I don't want to discuss John!" I shout. Shit. I just said it. I said something I didn't want to say. Fuck.

"Ok. We can leave that for another day. Let's bring up some of the other things. How long have you abused drugs?" I keep looking at the floor.

"Since I was like thirteen, it's no big deal." I admit. I don't make eye contact with either of them.

"Why? And why didn't you want your Dad to find out?" I look at her now.

"Because I liked them. Why else? Why does that matter anymore? He did find out and I'm clean now." I'm almost shouting.

"What was the reason you didn't want him to find out in the first place?" I scowl at her. I'm furious now. What right does she have to ask me these questions?

"Because who wants a junkie for a son!?" I shout. They are both looking at me now. Totally landed myself in it, haven't i?

"Dad, what did you think when you found out Michael used drugs?"

"I mean, I don't agree with it, but who am I to judge him? I probably would have done the same if I was in his situation. I knew he could get clean and he did. I never once thought he was a typical junkie, like he probably thought I would."

"Michael? How do you feel know your dad knows?" I shrug. "Positive or negative feelings?" I shrug again. "Mixed?" I shrug for a third time. "How did you feel when you found out your dad had a wife?"

"What? Why does that matter?" I spit. Giving Sarah a scowl.

"Were you upset? Or did you react negatively at all?" I shake my head.

"No. Not once did I 'react negatively'."

I see out the corner of my eye, that my dad is smiling. Sarah nods.

"Ok. Well, let's move on. Michael, can we discuss something else on this list?" She looks at me sympathetically.

"Depends what it is." I mutter, looking at the ground again.

"The self harm?" I shoot her a look. My eyes meet hers for the first time during this whole session. I shake my head quite aggressively.

"No. No fucking way." I angry. I feel the anger rising through my body. My jaw clenches. My dad snaps his head towards me.

"Oi! I said don't swear." I avoid his eyes and keep mine on Sarah's.

"I said no. Why would you even bring that up? That my business. No one else's." I'm still shaking my head. I am furious.

"I think it's something we need to discuss. We don't have to discuss it that much. Just a little." I'm still shaking my head. "Michael," she begins. I don't want to hear it. I stand up and walk towards the door, throwing it open and storming out, making sure I slam it as hard as I can behind me. I walk as fast as I can towards the main entrance/exit and walk out, running down the stairs and through the car park. I run for as long as my legs take me. I stop beside the park, a mile or so away from the home. I throw myself to the grass, panting and trying to catch my breath. I take my phone out of my pocket and check the time. It's 12:32. The therapy session should just be ending now. I have 3 missed calls from my Dad and one from Ben. I also have a text from Hayley and Jacob. I check Jacobs first.

Hey man I'm having a party tonight if you wanna come. I know you don't drink anymore and that's cool. It's been a while since we hung out. :)

I consider it. I check Hayley's next.

Hey babe, let me know how the appointment with your dad goes. Need to see you soon x x