The Journal of a Nymphomaniac

Chapter 3

I was broken. I felt like a rag doll that had been tossed and pulled in awkward directions and left in the middle of the road to be crushed and destroyed by cars. I wanted to scream, pull my hair and let out a heart wrenching scream that would break down the walls around me. I drew up my knees to my chest and rocked myself slowly as I recounted all that had happened, scene after scene, the hurt and the pain.

The door opened and I looked up to see Esther slowly enter and close the door behind her. She looked confused with her hands behind her back and her sad eyes glued to mine. She came closer, sat beside me and said nothing, just stared back with clouded eyes. She looked close to tears.

"Good morning." I muttered shakily.

She nodded and looked around the room. "Where is your gown?"

I ignored the pain in her voice and looked at myself. I was still nàked, the bruises on my pale skin were quite visible. "I don't know."

She turned back to me, her brown eyes asked what she couldn't. They asked if I was okay, how l had survived it, if I was hurt...

I looked away and stared at my feet, though I was the victim, it felt as if she was the one in greater pain.

"Do you want your mother?"

I frowned and faced her. My mother? Why would she ask that? What was my mother going to do? What has she ever done if not make my life miserable? Why my mother?!... I felt my eyes well up in tears and tried to blink them back but they ended up running down my cheeks. God knew I hated my mother, I wished she had not birthed me, I wished I was not even born! I loved my mother so much but hated her just as much. It was a sad and sickening feeling that clawed at my heart.

I drew my knees closer and shook my head. "No. I don't want my mother, I want to be alone."

She nodded, stood up and left the room without a word.

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A week went by and I had not seen my husband. He had sent in a nurse who had attended to my cuts and administered medications to help with the pains and passed whatever message he had through the maids. I nurtured the thought that he was ashamed of his actions and was scared to see my face and that made me feel better.

I was further elated when the maid came in one afternoon to present gifts from my husband. These gifts included a breathtaking sky blue dress, a box of a beautiful pair of red shoes and a gold plated phone, Samsung S6 plus, the pack had said - I had always wanted a phone!

As I unwrapped the gifts I felt the warmth of my husband's love and yearned for him once more. I was glad he was remorseful and the gifts did more than convinced me to forgive him.

"Wow!" Damilola exclaimed as I admired the phone. "The phone is fine. Looks like glass!"

Damilola had replaced Esther who never came to my room since that day I told her I had wanted to be alone. I knew not why she stopped and when I had asked Damilola, the girl said she didn't know. Though I missed her, Damilola made a good companion, a chatty one at that.

"My husband gave you these?" I asked again.

She smiled knowingly. "Yes. He is downstairs, in his study. You should go see him you know."

I looked at the gifts, the giddy maid and then the door. I had never left the room since I got into the house. Why? I didn't know, I guess I felt better in the privacy of the room and there was nothing I needed that wasn't brought to me. Moreover, the injuries from the past incident had left me bedridden.

I eyed the gifts again. They seemed like the perfect excuse.

I came down from the bed and smiled. "Okay Dami, you are crazy but you are right. I should go down to see him."