Penchant to Lobby

The Home of a Lobbyist

Madison felt dirty. In his 4 years of marriage he'd never even considered being unfaithful. He tried to let his mind be as blank as the white lintel over the short hallway where Jefferson's bed resided. Staring into the empty white wasn't as numbing as he'd hoped it would be. He was still restless. His eyes drifted from the lintel to the digital clock that peaked through the clutter on Jefferson's desk. 2:27 am. He thought of how Molly would be sleeping soundly in their bed. Another wave of guilt washed over him as he pictured her eyes gently shut and her eyelashes brushing the pillow. Thinking about how hurt Molly would be if she found out about what he'd just done made him want to throw up. Just the thought of those soft gentle eyes filling with anger and pain was enough to stir stomach acid into his throat. What had he just done.... He turned to watch the slow rise and fall of Jefferson's chest. He forgot Molly for a few moments memorized by the magnificence of the human next to him. Then another even worse bout of nausea spurred by guilt and exacerbated by the alcohol that was still working it's way out of his system. He got up as swiftly as his delicate stomach would allow. He cradled his stomach until he could empty it in one of Jefferson's toilets. It had a somewhat cathartic effect, and he was able to think a little straighter.

He called a taxi and then set about collecting his belongings. He considered waking Jefferson, but decided against it. He told himself it would be more professional to not acknowledge what happened and that it would be rude to wake someone in the middle of the night. Really Madison was in a panic to remove himself from this situation and he didn't trust himself. If he woke Jefferson up, what other stupid thing might he do or say? He haphazardly wrote a note with paper and pen he found in Jefferson's house. It read: "Sorry for not shaking your hand on my way out. I have important business in the morning. I hope you will consider my client's desires on housing bill 23. If you need to contact me my email is ." It seemed weird to leave his work email, but it would have been even weirder to leave personal contact information or no information at all. The whole situation was just a mess, and perhaps in the back of his mind he was hoping Jefferson would contact him.

The taxi ride home was surreal and he remembered little of it by the time he got home. The front door loomed menacingly as he walked toward it with soft cautious footfalls. Although he knew it was stupid, he felt like his world would fall apart when he opened that door. He stood outside for a while just looking at it. After enough time had passed that he felt just a little silly he swung it open. Moonlight drifted into the house in front of him and illuminated a space on the floor. His silhouette was clearly defined even against the faint pool of light. It looked like the shadow of an intruder. He took a few steps in and the shadow moved with him. He surveyed the foyer. He was a stranger in his own home. He shut the door as noiselessly as he could. He took his time going up the stairs and skipped over the one that occasionally squeaked. Facing Molly after this was going to be the hardest trial of his life and he wasn't looking forward to it even when she was asleep. He realized he'd have to face her every day. He wasn't sure if he should tell her. He couldn't do it right away, he needed to remove himself from the feelings before he could do that. It might hurt her less if he just didn't tell her. His mind was scrambled.

He finally reached their bedroom. Molly was sound asleep in their bed. He watched her breath for a moment. The silky sheets that swathed her fluttered as she released each breath. Fuck. How could he have done this to her? Then he remembered watching Jeff's, no Jefferson's, chest rise and fall. His heart rose in his chest remembering how it felt to have his lips pressed against that man's lips. The thrill of possibilities he'd never considered. The exploration of himself in the exploration of someone else. Then he felt a pit form in his stomach. He wasn't an unfaithful man, he couldn't be, not to this strong beautiful woman that liad in front of him. Not to Molly who had already been through so much. Yet here he was longing for someone else. What more could he want then Molly? Molly all he'd ever needed and more than he could ever have hoped for. He walked over to his side of the bed. He slid his shoes jacket and tie off before sliding into bed as cautiously as he could to avoid disturbing Molly. He stared into the darkness in a state of disquiet until sleep stealthily took him.

"John Payne Todd, you get of the table this instant." Molly shouting at John startled James out of sleep.

"But Ma, dad lets me play on the table when I'm at his house." John Rebelled

"Sure he does," Molly said in the most overt sarcastic tone, "Doesn't matter what he says at his house. This is James' and my house and we have a no shoes on the table policy. Plus if we don't leave now you are going to be late for school. I'm going to go wake stepdad, and if you aren't off the table by the time I get back I am going to tell dad that you are too messy to go to Theo's birthday."

"No, I have to go to Theo's birthday, she is gonna have bouncy houses and...."

Madison rolled out of bed and started getting ready. It was his turn to drive John to school. The kid could be a little rambunctious, but Madison loved him. The little guy was a genuine treasure. Madison didn't have any kids of his own, but he liked to fancy John a son. By the time Molly had explained to John that he could still go to Theo's birthday and walked up the stairs Madison was already dressed to impress. He'd groomed quickly this morning so that he wouldn't make john late.

"Oh you're already up. You looked exhausted when I got up so I thought I'd let you sleep. I was going to offer to take John if you needed more rest, but you look fine now." her words took a bit of a mischievous tone as she walked toward him "You always look fine though."

"And so do you my dear." He said embracing her. A pang of guilt shot down his spine with almost immobilizing force as her warmth reminded him of someone else's warmth. She kissed his cheek and he flinched away from the phantom kiss of the night before.

"Are you ok James?" concern evident in her expression.

"I'm fine Doll," He looked around for something to say, "I just think I might be coming down with something and I don't want to chance you getting it."

"Do you need to see the doctor?" She pressed her hand against his forehead, "I told you spending too much time with school age children would get you a virus."

He pulled her hand away from his face tenderly, "I don't think it requires any drastic measures yet, but I'll keep you updated."

"Oh like last time when you couldn't speak before you let me take you to the doctor." she retorted.

"I promise Doll, this time I won't let it get out of hand." Saying this situation was out of hand is an understatement.

She clearly didn't believe that he would tell her if he needed to see the doctor, but they were already cutting it close if they wanted to get John to school on time. Madison blew a kiss to Dolly as he packed John safely into the back of his car and set of for Grundschule elementary. He and John talked about how wonderful Theo's birthday was last year and how much cooler it was going to be this year at her new house with the pool. Out of nowhere John said, "You know you are a lot better dad than my dad."

No I'm not kid, not now anyway. "And why do you think that John?"

"Well, I tried to tell dad about this party and he didn't want to hear." John said solemnly.

"Did you tell him how important it is to you?" Madison probed

"Yeah, he just doesn't seem to care about other people as much as you do. Plus you make Mom a lot happier than he does."

The kid found the switch for the waterworks. James immediately felt his anger at himself turn into hot tears that rolled silently down his face. He managed to choke out a response without letting his tears be audible in his voice "I don't know about that John. I think you are the one who makes your mom happiest."

"Ha, maybe, except when I stand on the table."

Madison chuckled a little his cheeks still damp, "Yes, except when you stand on the table."

By the end of the ride Madison had gotten a hold of himself. He got out with John to give him the customary "lift off the ground hug." He watched John scurry off safely into the school, before getting back into his car. He set his GPS then turned on his radio. "Unfaithful" by Rihanna blasts out of the speakers. Madison hurriedly changes the station and "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood replaces it. Madison then turns his radio off preferring to ride in silence. He was headed to the City council meeting where his clients bill would be discussed. Now that he thought about it, Jefferson would probably be there. He gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. He was anything but ready for that confrontation.