Scar Her Again

Chapter Two

I know right now for certain that I look as good as I feel but I can't help feeling nervous. What am I even doing here? I can feel my body getting warmer, my palms are sweating, the steering wheel feels more slippery, I'm breathing faster. I just wanna cry right now.

"Breathe Lindi, breathe." I try to calm myself down which is clearly not working but my psychiatrist recommended it. If you ask me, it's just bull. "Breathe Lindi, breathe..."

I'm here already I might as well do this. For my son. For myself.
I step out of the car with my 6 inch heels looking like my younger self with a banging body from all those 2 hour daily workouts that are suppose to help me calm my anxiety. Actually my psychiatrist recommended 30 minutes, but I'm bored at home all day so why not.

There she is. I was hoping she'd sit closest to the door but instead she's deep in this restaurant, right at the back probably so she can see the beautiful view overseeing the gigantic pool. She's always preferred it that way.

I'm walking towards her, I can feel heads turning with me, eyes popping, mouths opening. I get even more nervous as I have to walk past a group of guys sitting around a table, drinking beers. It's not even 12 yet. Really?

The way they're are looking at me makes me feel uneasy. I feel like I'm at a taxi rank where they make all kinds of comments right till you get inside a taxi, but they're only doing it with their eyes.

Whew! I'm here.

She's smiling. Oh no, now she's tearing up. She's gonna make me cry and that won't be pretty. A hug. No words. Just a long hug.

She finally lets me go after what seemed to be the longest and tightest hug I've had in a while, her eyes are red.

"For a douchebag!" She's screaming.
We burst into laughter.
"I've missed you so much!"
We're talking so loud, we've even forgotten that there are people still in this restaurant. They're probably looking at us thinking we're just typical black loudmouths.

"I've missed you too babe." She says with her hands against her chest to emphasize the sentiment.

We sit down after a while, she ordered a glass of red wine. Why am I not surprised she's always been a boozehound, my boozehound. She notices that I'm looking at the glass.
"Somethings will never change." She says facing down. Oh no I think she thinks I'm judging her.

"And I'm glad so." I say with a smile just to assure her it's not what she was thinking. She smiles back, I know she understands.

"What happened to us?"
Oh so we're diving right into this?

"I happened." I say with regret written all over my face.
"I let a man get in between us, Mbali. You have to understand how I've always been trying to get my dad's approval and when Sipho convinced me to meet my dad before I was even ready, before I even brought it up... that should've been the first sign but I thought I loved him and I thought that he loved me back..." Sigh. Actually admitting that I didn't really love him feels like a load off my shoulder.

"My dad liked him so I saw that as a sign." I finish off.
"I knew it!" She laughs "...I knew it!" Boy she hasn't changed a single bit, has she?

I'm smiling at her like what the heck is going on here!
"I knew it babe." she manages to say after she composes herself.

"I wish I would've been wiser and didn't fall for his schemes." I say

"I thought I was imagining things though and after our fight I just thought maybe I was jealous. I just couldn't be happy for you knowing the bastard was making moves on me, your best friend!"

"I'm glad you didn't give up on me even though, you had every reason to."

"What I don't understand is why you're still with him."

"Senzo." I say as I look down at the menu, not that I'm browsing just guilt that I really wanna leave Sipho but my son is more than impressed with him. "I want him to grow up in a happy family."

"You honestly think he can't feel the sadness within you?" She says, but I used to read material about energy and how it's felt and transmitted from one person to the next even if they can't explain it. So I'm thinking Sipho can also feel my sadness about his shady behaviours but he just doesn't care it seems.
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We sit and talk about everything else except what we actually came here to talk about, it's so relaxing to be out of the house. All dressed up and looking pretty in the middle of the day. I already feel as though my life is getting back together.

Maybe I should just ignore Sipho's presence in my life, make it absolutely clear to him that I want nothing to do with him but for the sake of our son carry on with all this pretence. Actually this idea has been in my head for quite some time now. I'm telling all these negative things to Mbali about my marriage and I can tell she disapproves my decision to stay instead of getting a divorce but what can I do.

I hope she understands one day.

"I need the loo babes." she says while getting up. I hope its not to avoid this insane conversation about my crappy life and we haven't even tackled hers you know...

"Okay, but don't fall asleep on the toilet seat now." I say to her, she's already up trying to maintain her balance. She laughs and walks away blowing me a kiss. Oh my goodness. She's drunk.

So I'm waiting for her to get back but she seems to be taking long, I don't really mind. I know she's drunk hence why she's taking her grandma's precious time. Good gawd.

I eventually convince myself to get up and go and get her cause now I'm starting to get worried. I start walking towards the bathroom and as I take a turn towards the bathroom entrance, right there... Sipho, he's sitting alone but clearly he has company cause there's a glass with a white spirit, bucket of ice & two dry lemons next to it but he doesn't drink. Maybe he's with a client.

I'm standing here secretly waiting to see who's he sitting with. A bump. "Sorry". I say, no response. Goodness, I'm standing on the way. I step aside but don't take my eyes of him, he's scrolling through his phone not too focused on his surroundings so for me this is the perfect opportunity. Am I really one of those wives now?

Mbali pops out from the "loo" still fixing her pants. She's wasted! I walk towards her and start fixing her before she's seen by all these people, I guess I'll be driving her home. Or maybe do her a solid and have her sleep over at my place but really who is this solid mostly for? Me & my bored self really, but it's the thought that counts.

"You need to loosen up... mom!" She says shoving my hand away from her pants then she looks up at me with her famous smile. I feel like her mother for real, I always have though. I frown at her and grab her by the arm and start walking besides her, she seems to be losing balance.

A gasp! I turn to look at Mbali. Her eyes don't meet mine, she's looking ahead. I follow the direction of her eyes. It's Sipho. Kissing another woman. My heart sinks to the ground beneath. My knees seem to be failing me.