Scar Her Again

Chapter One

As I lay still next to him with tears streaming from my eyes, I realise it was all over for us. In fact, it had been for a while now. What a despicable thing he had done and to think he'd still look at me the same way he used to before as if nothing had changed, who was this man and why was I still with him knowing that every word from his mouth was a lie.

No one truly understands the brokenness of a woman who dies a little inside with the truth eating at her, reminding her of what her reality is with every quiet moment that manages to creep in and expose her fears to herself. The night seemed longer than usual and my hurting heart can no longer stand it. I feel as though I am about to burst into tears, right here & now. I feel him breathe and move next to her and I wish I could hurt him as much as I am hurting.

I look in the dark from one corner of the ceiling to the next trying to recall what objects were hidden where remembering the gun in the forth row from the left and on the third tile, which he put there assuring me it was only to be used on people who'd try to hurt me. He didn't try but he definitely succeeded. He mumbles something about "Zodwa" in his deep sleep and goes back to his silent breathing. I've been hearing about this hoe for almost nine months now, it must be serious between them.

The little light coming in through the window reminds me of the morning that's to come and I think if I really want to do something... now would be a great time, "but this is not who I am. What has he done to me?"

I force my eyes to shut close so I can stop these thoughts of evil which my Catholic school teacher had warned me about... "people will betray your trust but it is the Lord who tells us to forgive so that we too may be forgiven."

From a distance, you'd judge a woman for the decision to destroy what's killing her but you don't understand that her delicate nature needs not be tampered with. I can't hurt him, I care for him, so instead I'm gonna try drifting off in my sleep, how... Next morning I have to wake-up again as if no demon visited me during the night. I'm dying a little.

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I'm woken up from what seemed to be the longest night of my life by a toddler running and screaming through my door. My pride, my joy. I don't really know how I finally managed to fall asleep. Sipho (The darn husband) is on the balcony talking to gard knows who and smiling about gard knows what. I return my focus on little human who I know I can trust to always be kind to my feelings.

"Hi, little man." I manage to say feeling more drained than usual, I'm stretching out my arms to him for our morning ritualization, this is what I've decided will make our bond stronger. He reaches out to me knowing that I'm going to lift him up and we have a moment of tickling, sounds making, lip blowing the whole thing.
I see Sipho coming through the balcony's sliding door with the corner of my eye while I'm still tickling and entertaining our son.

"When did he get here?" He asks still with a grin on his face probably from the call I know better than to ask about to spare myself the frustration, it's too early.

"Just a moment ago while you were still on the phone." I reply with a sudden irritation and a hint of 'who was that on the phone' look on my face, Oh but my face betrays me every time.
"Oh yeah, that was just my boss calling me about an important deal." So he read me right.
I can clearly tell that he's lying through his teeth but he's becoming so good at it it's impressive more than it is annoying. Oh well.

In all that Sipho lacked in being a good husband he more than made up for it by being a great father to the most important aspect of my life, Senzo.

Little Senzo stretches out his arms to his dad just as he did with his me. I feel a little hurt but he's just a kid for crying out loud and I'm already feeling like he should choose.