I Lied About Lying

Finale

"Hey love," I laugh a little,"hi Connor. Things have been going better, slowly. I'm still here, like I promised. I'm still alive, and I haven't hurt myself in a month. I finally talked to my mom about... everything. She said she would ha- she approves of our relationship. I got my mom to paint my nails the other day. I see why you like it. It looks good and feels nice. I'm on talking terms with Jared and Alana now. Our relationships are building back up. It's going to be a while before they trust me again though. I'm actually okay with that though."

I rest my hand on the gravestone. I trace my fingers over Connor's name and continue talking. "Zoe finally gave me the letter. I know you wrote it, but I feel like it's necessary to read it to you, especially since I haven't read it yet.

     Dear Evan Hansen,
Hey my love! If you found this, then that means I'm dead. I'm sorry to put this on you, even if you don't care about me. Look, I know you have social anxiety and it's real. But I felt like you didn't care about me, that I was a burden. My depression got the best of me. The voices kept telling me that you were only with me to boast you up, that you felt bad for me, and you were better of without me. I couldn't handle them anymore. I got pushed over the edge. They kept bugging me, until it got to the point where I believed them. That didn't keep me from loving you. I will always love you, even when I'm all the way in Hell. I'm sorry Evan. I'm sorry that I dragged you into this. I broke my promise. Remember? I promised that I wouldn't die on you, and I did. I know my half of the promise is broken, but can you try to be better than me? Please keep your half of the promise. Please live, don't hurt yourself, eat the right amount, don't get rid of it. I love you with all my heart, and I'm sorry. That's it really, I'm sorry again.
I love you to death and beyond Evan.
Sincerely,
Me
Connor Murphy"

     I take a deep breath and hold back the tears. "This is going to be a good day and here's why. Today at least you are you, and that all that matters,"I say to myself. I stand up and look towards the entrance. I see Zoe walking in. "I should get going now. Zoe's probably here to see you and she probably wants to do it alone. I love you Connor."

     Before I turn away, Connor stands in front of me. He rests his hand on my cheek momentarily and smiles. As quickly as he appeared, he faded away. I was left with a smile on my face.

     "All I see is sky for forever," I whisper and leave the cemetery.